The Long Kiss Goodnight/Funny

Charly: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Mitch: I hope not, 'cause I'm thinking about how much my balls hurt!

• Charly/Sam and Caitlin are trapped in the freezer, and Charly is about to break them out:

Caitlin: Mommy, am I gonna die?.
Charly/Samantha: Oh, no, baby, no. You're not going to die... they are. (lights the match) Cover your ears. Hey, should we get a dog?

• When Mitch first meets Sam in the "Charly" persona, and she rips off his bandage after distracting him by showing him her breasts. She says it's "the same principle as with deflowering virgins":

Charly: I read it in this Harold Robbins novel. The guy bites her on the ear, distracts her from the pain. You ever try that?
Mitch: (stares incredulously) No, I sock 'em in the jaw and yell "pop goes the weasel!"

• The look Mitch gives Caitlin when she says "Don't hit the cars!" as they drive away from a massive explosion and burning wrecks are raining down around them.
• Mitch and Sam are running from assassins and take cover on a landing.

Mitch (slightly panicked) OK, I've got three shots left in the revolver, you've got a full clip, just point, and spray.
(Grenade lands next to them)
Mitch (very panicked) Fuck it, run for your life!