The Hebrew Hammer

Shabbat Shalom, Motherf#%$ers!!

The Hebrew Hammer is a 2003 Blaxploitation parody film starring Adam Goldberg and Andy Dick.

Damien, the evil son of Santa Claus, murders his father to continue his grandfather's (the previous Santa Claus, seen in the prologue) scheme to eliminate all December holidays save Christmas. When the Jewish Justice League gets wind of this fiendish plot, they start looking for one of their own to fight for their right to light their menorahs. The JJL Chief, Bloominbergensteinanthal, reluctantly agrees that their own hope is the one hebe too radical even for them: Mordechai Jefferson Carver, the Hebrew Hammer.

The Chief's daughter, Esther, convinces the Hammer to take up the cause. What follows is a hilarious walk through Jewish culture, playing with Jewish stereotypes, and saving Hanukkah for everyone.

As the Anti-Defamation League noted (after refusing permission to use their name, which becomes "Anti-Denigration League" in the script), these people are equal opportunity offenders. In fact, if you are not offended, you should demand your money back.

Tropes used in The Hebrew Hammer include:

• Affectionate Parody: Of Blaxploitation films.
• All Jews are American Ashkenazim. Of course, an Israeli Hammer would have played to stereotypes known to fewer people (as well as doing the job too quickly for a feature-length film), and non-American non-Israeli Jews really don't have any stereotypes that stay out of Unfortunate Implications territory.
• All Jews Are Cheapskates: Hammer falls for a trap set off by this trope.
• Anti-Hero: Carver is not heroic because he wants to be.
• Bad Santa: Saint Nick the Nasty in the prologue, and Andy Dick in the main plot.
• Badass Longcoat
• Black Best Friend: Carver counts on the trust and friendship of the leader of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front, Muhammad Ali Paula Abdul Rahim.
• Blaxploitation: Parodied as "Jewsploitation." The Kwanzaa Liberation Front embraces blaxploitation.
• Cameo: Melvin van Peebles appears as his title character in the almost-Blaxplotation classic Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song.
• Cool Car: The Hammermobile has a sweet blue-and-white color scheme (based on the flag of Israel) and is decked out with the Star of David.
• Daddy's Girl
• Doting Parent: Mrs. Carver, stereotypically so.
• Dramatic Gun Cock: Drawn out to an obscene length when the entire Kwanzaa Liberation Front draws and cocks their weapons when Carver enters their building.
• Eyepatch of Power: With a Star of David on it.
• Fantastic Drug: Bootleg copies of It's a Wonderful Life.
• 555: The JJL's phone number is 555-5555.
• Film Noir: The scene where Esther meets Carver in his office starts as a straight example, and then devolves into parody.
• Geeky Turn On: Jews evidently love it when you plan out your life, down to your two-point-five children who will, of course, go to Ivy League schools.

I want to have children with you. I want to get a good paying, stable job. I want to move to Long Island somewhere, someplace nice, fancy but not fancy shmancy. I want our children to go to private schools and take music lessons, maybe Abraham will go to Stanford. Sarah will go to an Ivy League, maybe Vassar. And afterward they will decide for themselves if they want to continue their religious studies in Israel because we will have practiced a highly effective assertive democratic style of child rearing, sprinkled with a healthy dose of liberalism. On a daily basis, I want you to tell me what to do, where to do it, and how I should live my fucking life

• Going by the Matchbook: The black elf gives Carver a matchbook from Duke's, telling him that's where Santa will be. Of course, Duke's is actually a Neonazi skinhead bar...
• Guns Akimbo: With shotguns.
• Heart Is an Awesome Power: The ultimate Jewish weapon is guilt.
• Hyperspace Arsenal: Carver draws two shotguns from his coat in Duke's.
• It Runs on Nonsensoleum: The Jewish Atomic Clock in Jerusalem runs on Judaium, an element so rare, it's found only in the clock. The JAC keeps time for the Jewish calendar and its holidays: Yom Kippur, Hanukkah, Rosh Hashanah, and the Macy's 50% Off Sale.
• Jewish Complaining: The Jewish Justice League actually uses this as the final test for Jewishness.
  • It also turns out to be part of a Jew's ultimate power.
• Jewish Mother: Mrs. Carver
• Jews Love to Argue
• Meaningful Name: "The Hebrew Hammer" evokes the image of Judah Maccabbee, aka "Judah the Hammer," who led the Jewish rebellion against the Seleucid Empire. Also, Damien.
  • You know why they call him the Hammer, don't you?
• Mexican Standoff
• Most Definitely Not A Jew: The scene where Carver and Esther pretend to be gentiles to get close to Santa.
• Noisy Guns: the Kwanzaa Liberation Front has some very noisy guns.
• N-Word Privileges: Mordechai & Rahim's first onscreen meeting:

Mordechai: How's it goin, my nigga?
Rahiam: How's it goin, my kike?

• • The KLF's token white accountant is shocked:

Accountant: You just called him a kike...and you just called him a nigger.
Rahim: It's OK when we calls each other that.

• Passive-Aggressive Kombat: The other part of the ultimate Jewish weapon.
• Perma-Stubble
• Phrase Catcher: Remember, the fate of Hanukkah is resting on your shoulders.
• Pimp Duds: The Hammer's usual clothes. And even Damien Claus wears a fur coat with his Santa hat when he's in full evil mode.
• Politically-Incorrect Villain: Damien.
• Precision F-Strike: "Shabbat Shalom, motherfuckers!"
  • When Adam Goldberg was first given the script, he opened to a random page, saw the line, and immediately agreed to do the film.
• Pretty in Mink: A dame in a fur coat shows up at Hammer's office, but he tells her she wants Mike Hammer.
• Private Detective: Hebrew Hammer Investigations. According to his credentials, Carver is a "Certified Circumsized Dick."
• Refuge in Audacity: On a ride through the Underground Jewish Railroad, Esther and Mordechai laugh at both Jewish slaves being whipped by Egyptians, the Nazis yelling at Jewish prisoners... but when a store clerk tells a Jewish woman "Your credit card has been declined." "Oy!", they become very somber and nod at each other in a "I feel her pain" way.
  • A chairman of the Jewish Media Conspiracy suggests to solve part of the film's conflict by releasing another Adam Sandler film.
• Rule of Funny
• Saving Christmas: While the main plot is about saving Hanukkah, the heroes are also saving Christmas from a power-mad dictator in Damien.
• Sexy Santa Dress: The ladies helping Santa even the new one after Damien is taken down.
• Tyrant Takes the Helm: Damien assumes the position of Santa Claus after ordering the reindeer to murder the real Santa.
• Underground Railroad: A rare literal example.
• Unflinching Walk: After the fight at Duke's.
• Wig, Dress, Accent: Carver and Esther disguise themselves as gentiles to get close to Santa at a public appearance.