Teachers/Quotes

Season 1

Episode 1 [1.1]

Kurt: If it's another suicide attempt, tell them they must try harder.

Episode 6 [1.6]

Brian: In my first two terms I turned a cup winning first eleven into a cup, league and inter-school losing side. Look at me now.

Simon: Yeah, but who cares if the kids pass running around? This is English we're talking about.

Kurt: Oh, here we go.

Simon: And how hard can it be to pass GCSE typing a letter and downloading porn?

Season 2

Episode 1 [2.1]

Simon: Don't want to go to school tomorrow. I hate the first day back. I get this kind of knot here.

Episode 7 [2.7]

Susan: I'm going to have a baby.

Kurt: Can't you get the drinks in first?

Episode 8 [2.8]

Simon: I've hardly ever left this town. I don't even know if all the places I hear about actually exist. America, France, Wales.

Jenny: Wales exists. Trust me.

Episode 9 [2.9]

Clare(leafing through student evaluations): Jane Turnabull has ingrowing toenails and a lazy eye. John couldn't tie his shoelaces because of an infected whitlow. Fell off heels at weekend and bruised instep.

Jenny: There are some more interesting ones further down.

Clare: Separation anxiety since her chiropodist retired... Have we got a school full of foot fetishists?

Season 3

Episode 5 [3.5]

Clare: A spastic is someone with cerebral palsy, not someone who misses an open goal on the football field, Mr Steadman.

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Clare: I never want to see 'for being a mong' written as an explanation in the detention book again thank you, Mr McKenna.

Episode 6 [3.6]

Simon: So, I go up to her, ask her if she wants to go for a non-sex drink with me, not because I want to but because I've been travelling and Brian doesn't want her to know he's gagging for it, making absolutely clear that both my mates, one anonymous, one to be referred to only as 'the hilarious one' will be there.

Episode 8 [3.8]

Kurt: Dear Mr and Mrs Keane, your child is a complete shithead. Love Kurt.

Episode 11 [3.11]

Kurt: See? That's why I decided to stay single. It's easier.

Matt: Since when did you decide to stay single?

Kurt: A while ago. Decided to take it easy. Enjoy my own company.

Lindsay: Just you and your sock.

Episode 12 [3.12]

Clare: May I remind everyone that sports day approaches? Parent have been invited. The police have been alerted. I hope those who fail to win the staff race will not display the kind of disgraceful behaviour we witnessed last year.

Kurt: (groans from floor)

Clare: Yes, I'm talking about you, Mr McKenna.

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Matt(sat in an empty classroom): I know what you're thinking. There's nobody here, but Clare says we don't have a truancy problem anymore, and who am I to argue?

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