< Stuart Ashen

Stuart Ashen/Funny

/wiki/Stuart Ashencreator
  • His 'unprofessional' Spit Take reaction to the cream eggs is hilarious in its own right. But what had this troper in stitches was the sobering silence when he realized that, lying in one of the cubicles of the package, was a maggot.
  • And now the ending of the second episode of Ashen's Tech Dump!

Ashen: "There must be something you can do it wouldn't.. be a game... don't look at me like that, what's going on... He's crying or something... go on, move- oh my goodness, stop that. Stop that! Oh that's horrible... he's in a corner weeping, that's horrible. No, no, c'mon, Vinnie, we'll find a- is that a gun? Is that a- NO, NO, VINNIE, NO, DON'T DO THAT NO!"

YOUR FAULT.

  • The unveiling of Chef Excellence.
    • The constant running gag throughout the "Chef Excellence Showcase".
      • 'An Excellent Running Gag'
    • Pasta Excellence. Need I say more?
  • From the review of his LEGO set:

Ashen: A bag full of LEGO, obviously. Or LEGOs if you're American. Don't know why they say LEGOs instead of LEGO; perhaps that's where the "s" on the end of "Maths" went.

  • "I did not hit her! It's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! I did not!...Oh, HaiPad"
  • Ashen getting weirded out by a knockoff Transformer, firstly because it turning out to have extra stumpy arms and legs after he rips the first ones off, then because its head flies off to reveal a smaller one underneath.
  • Ashen's tvtropes checklist.
  • The One-Armed Colour-Blind Children With Contrasting Jumpers who are apparently the target audience for the board game version of Donkey Kong.
  • His review of the Pac-Man board game, which starts off with a disclaimer stating that we're about to watch "actual footage of grown men playing a children's board game."
    • Threatening his friend Larry with bodily harm for stealing his only-sees-his-hands gimmick.
    • The description of the game's premise (and pieces):

Stuart: What lurks inside...why, lots of gaudy plastic tat--basically, the idea of the game is you take control of this terrifying serrated-teeth Pac-Man or one of his four equally gaudy friends, to avoid the green ghosties and steal as many marbles as possible.
Larry: So basically, Stuart, it's "Hungry Hungry Hippos: Mensa Edition".

Stuart: That works for me.

  • His short video detailing his adventure with a spy pen:

Stuart: I'm not recording this, you know.

Plumber: Pardon?

Stuart: Nothing.

Eeeh there he is, with his erect...Moving swiftly along!

  • Ashen mispronouncing "Amazon" a few times, then stating that he deliberately mispronounced it "to see if there are any idiots watching who, rather than watching the rest of the video, will instead immediately jump into the comments on Youtube going, 'You pronounced 'Amazon' wrong ra ra ra and also I have never kissed a girl.'"
    • From the same video: Stuart discovers an English-to-Chinese translator on the device, and uses it to see the Chinese translation for "a bag of bones."

"If you're in China and you need to say that, you probably need to get the hell out of China as fast as you can, because you've done something horribly wrong."

Ashens: *long lingering death glare*
Chef Excellence: Oh Shit.

Ashens [to dog]: Oscar... Kill.

  • The conclusion to the Karting Grand Prix review.
  • When reviewing the knockoff "iPhone 5G," he discovers the stylus slot for the phone. It's actually a slot for a hidden aerial. This itself is funny enough, but the eternally-cool Ashens completely loses it at this discovery, and laughs so hard he has to jump cut over it. And then it gets so bad, he stops and says a prayer to Zeus thanking him for how absurd the knockoff phone is. It's especially funny when you consider the actual iPhone 4's notorious signal problem.
    • Even better: Later, while filming in the dark to capture the screen better, it takes him completely unawares and pokes him in the eye. Yes, it's a bit schadenfreude-ish, but that just serves to highlight how ridiculous the TV antenna is.
    • Not nearly as funny as the aerial, but his increasing irritation at the 'nature' noises the phone keeps making is worth a few chuckles.
  • I'm tempted; VERY tempted. Infact, i'm dual wielding."
  • On a cheapo wrestling figure that had long hair, a beard, and a championship belt: "I am the son of God and you cannot beat me at wrestling."
  • In his 2011 Christmas Special he reviews a Santa figure that is made out of wooden beads. There are strings going through it (slack=collapsed Santa, tight=assembled Santa), which he plays with.

Ashens: Santa's alive, Santa's dead. Santa's alive, Santa's dead. Tell you what...(Pulls out a pair of scissors and beheads the figure, making the beads scatter)...now we know for sure he's dead. Take that, you festive bastard, playing with our emotions like that.

  • From the Royal Wedding video, he says that in a picture of the Royal couple, they may be looking at a fox levitating and shooting lasers out of his asshole
  • In his headphones and hands-free device review, he looks over the back of a box of headphones branded 'The Carpenter' and reads over it, finding it to be gushy lifestyle stuff filled with horrible puns.

Ashens: You know what? Fuck you, and fuck your headphones! That's the most sickening crap I've ever read!

  • In his review of a few knock-off figures, he comes across MMA-style "Fight Club" figurines with loads of unintentional innuendo and a severe lack of quality control. One package is mislabeled, one figurine's arm is on backwards and the paint on the face of both figurines is completely wrong. Ashens' reaction is priceless.
  • In his Valentine's Day 2012 review, Chef Excellence gets to direct his own sequence, and does it as a black and white silent film with his brooding descent into alcoholism as a real celebrity has taken over fronting the Stay Fresh Bags product line. After it cuts back to Ashens, he reflects: "I should never have taken him to see The Artist."
  • His reaction to the "Welcome Park" in his PS Vita review.

Narrator: Oh! Somebody's at the door!
Ashens: Oh, fuck off! I'm not six years old! What the hell? (mockingly) There's somebody at the door! It's your friend Bob! He's come to tell you about the PS Vita!

  • Ashens reeling off a list of ridiculous names from Star Wars, ending with "Rick Santorum".
  • His painting Easter eggs in "the traditional British style" - painting "PISS" and "ARSE" on them.
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