Star Trek: Enterprise/Funny


  • In Cease Fire.

Archer: I'll go. My ears aren't as likely to attract gunfire.
Ambassador Soval: What is their obsession with our ears?!
T'Pol: I believe they are envious.

    • Same episode, after Archer refers to a compromise as "a solution neither side is happy with."

Shran: In that case, these talks have been extremely successful.

  • Shran in "Proving Ground".

The Andorian Mining Consortium runs from no one!

  • This is an outtake, but it still qualifies.
  • In 'Harbinger' the look on Trip's face when T'Pol explains that having sex with him was just an 'experiment' on humanity, and the line 'I don't appreciate being compared to lab rat!'
    • During Reed and Hayes' big fight, a nameless crewman stumbles upon them. Reed orders him, "As you were," just before Hayes clobbers him. And the crewman just walks away.
  • Basically all of "Unexpected", but especially the opening. Archer is in the shower when the grav plating malfunctions and he and the water begin floating upwards. When Malcolm asks if it's caused any inconvience, Archer just casually says 'Oh, no, no, not at all' whilst clinging to the showerhead to stop himself hitting the ceiling. Then a few seconds later they come back online and he falls back to the ground with a weary 'thank you!'
    • "Perhaps the next step would've been to meet her holographic parents?"
    • And those Klingons: "I can see my house!"

Trip: Was that... a joke?
T'Pol: Believe me, if I ever decide to make a joke, you'll know it.

  • Malcolm and Archer are on a planet with a slightly toxic atmosphere:

Archer: Try not to breathe.
Malcolm: I'll try, sir.

  • From "Broken Bow", Archer says to T'Pol: "Volatile? You have no idea how much I'm restraining myself from knockin' you on your ass!"
    • Also Hoshi cussing out T'Pol.
    • And Travis' 'Hey, I found her!' when they start scanning for T'Pol, just before she shows up outside the shuttle.
  • Let's not forget this little gem from the first episode:

Admiral Leonard: It's a Kling-ott.
Tos: A Kling-on.

  • Of course the best exchange from "Broken Bow" is between Trip and Klaang.

Klaang: <shouts in Klingon>
Trip: Well I don't particularly like the way you smell either!
Klaang: <rolls eyes>

  • The look on T'Pol's face when Phlox is watching The Court Jester.
  • In "Shadows of P'Jem", the whole of the scene where Archer and T'Pol are snarking at each other whilst they try to get free of the ropes tying them together. Especially when they fall over and Archer faceplants in T'Pol's boobs.
  • Just about all of the initial interrogation scene in "Azati Prime," where Archer is really sticking it to the Reptilians.

Archer: Still, the reptiles might've come out on top, if it hadn't been for a slight disadvantage.
Dolim: And what was that?
Archer: They had brains the size of a walnut. That's very small. Apparently, it's a constant in the universe.
Dolim: *visibly resists the urge to strangle Archer*

  • In "The Forge":

Archer: You had [a sehlat] as a pet?[1]
T'Pol: You have Porthos.
Archer: Porthos doesn't try to eat me when I'm late with his dinner!
'T'Pol: Vulcan children are never late with their sehlats dinner.
Archer: I can believe that.

Vulcan Ambassador: "Live long, and prosper." [He gives the Vulcan hand sign greeting.]
[Cochrane tries to imitate his hand signal and fails. The background music segues discordantly into a darker theme. Reaching into his coat, he pulls out a shotgun and shoots the ambassador.]
Grizzled Old Man: "Board their ship! Take everything you can!"
[Yelling savagely, the crowd charges up the ramp, guns blazing. We fade out to the modified opening credits...]
 

  1. ↑ a sehlat is a large, saber-toothed bearlike creature
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