< Siblings

Siblings/Funny


Runesuck

Rob: Fuck is with those trees? They got dandruff or something? Those fucking trees need some fucking Head and Shoulders. Even though they're trees, they lack a head or shoulders.

Johny: They're magic.

Rob: That's some stupid fucking magic when all it does is give them dandruff.

  • Johny using his player to kill a unicorn on the game.

Rob: You just mind your own damn business when you fuck the shit up for the hell of it. That's horse slaughter! You'll get life in horse court.

Johny: Uh, unicorn court. They get pissed off when you call them horses.

Rob: Like when you call zephyrs Pegasuseseses.

Johny: What?

Rob: Nothing.

  • "Bet I can break a window with it." "Probably." "Bet I can even KILL a man!...With it."

Rob: What the fuck? How the hell did you pull a 5000? That attack looked the same as those zero attacks you kept doing.
Johny: Yeah, but I put my heart on that click.

    Johny: There is no pirate stat!...Hey, cool, they just updated it. They added a...pirate stat. Huh, cool, sweet! I can get a peg leg!

    Don't Wake Robby!

    • Johny calling Rob a vampire. "Oh yeah, he's a vampire." "Count Robula-a-a-a!"
    • Rob's first dream. "Running back and forth between the houses! (echo) (Beat) What the fuck? Godzilla? (echo)"
      • Cue Godzilla trying to attack Rob and causing a tidal wave.

    Johny: You gotta be kidding me.
    Rob: I'M NAKED!

    • Rob's second dream. "FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUCKING WEEEEEEeeeeeooooo..."
    • When Rob tries to eat the biscuits and gravy but forgets it.

    Rob: Wait a minute, they're on the ground. I don't wanna eat this off the ground. One with filth and dog hair all over.
    (closes the door)
    Johny: Dammit.

    Dog Daze of Boredom

    • Rob saying "hi" to Spike repeatedly at the beginning.

    Rob: Hi Spike. Hi Spike. Hey Spike! Hi Spike! Hey, Spike!
    Spike: If Rob walks by and says "hi" one more damn time, I'm gonna, I'm gonna...
    Rob: Hi Spike!
    Spike: ...lick my lips and blink.

    • Rob's fake animal noise. "CACTUS!"
    • Rob bragging to Johny about a paper mâché hand he made and making puns about it.
    • This exchange between Rob and Johny:

    Rob: Johny.
    Johny: Rob.
    Rob: Spike's a dog.
    Johny: Yeah.
    Rob: Dogs like being pettededed.
    Johny: RuneScape likes being playeded.
    Rob: Play-dough.
    Johny: Play-don't.
    Rob: Play with yourself.
    Johny: No.
    Rob: I WIN! Let's bother Spike!
    Johny: Kay.

    • The ending, in which Spike commits a Squicky moment offscreen.

    Rob: (happy) SPIKE!!

    (becomes shocked)

    Johny: Ew.

    Spike: Do you mind?

    Pop-a-Cap!

    • "Hey John, think slow!"

    Dan: What the hell, JewBob?
    Rob: Uh, IT WAS SPIKE!

    (runs off)

    Spike: ...STOOL PIGEON!

    Half Beard

    • When Rob starts shaving his beard, annoyed:

    Rob: Boy, shaving is...
    Beard: AAAAHHH!!! WHY?! THE PAIN!!!

    Rob: Shut up, beard!

    Beard: Okay.

    • "Rugged. Smooth. Rugged. Smooth. I'M SO BRILLIANT!"

    Johny: I don't think you're in a mind, period.
    Rob: Semi-colon.
    Johny: What?
    Rob: QUESTION MARK!

    • Before Johny starts playing Rob's "half beard theme" on his guitar:

    Johny: Rob, do me a favor.
    Rob: What?
    Johny: Blink.
    (Rob blinks)
    Johny: (whispering) Thank you.

      Johny: (calling CJ) What? Dude, I'm playing my guitar. I don't wanna play 24/7. You do it! NO!
      (hangs up)
      Johny: I don't care how many peacock feathers you tickle me with, you damn weirdo.

        Johny: Mom, can I get a ride?
        Mom: I'm playing my gypsy fortune telling cards. Wanna play?
        Johny: Dad, can I get a ride?
        Dad: Hm? No, I just got on the computer. I gotta get my solitaire fix.
        Johny: Danny, can I get a ride?
        Dan: No, JewJohn.
        Mason: Da-hee!
        Johny: Spike, can I get a ride?

        Spike: (grunt)

        Johny: AHH!

        Dad: Just get Rob to give you a ride.

        Johny: No, his half beard's gonna...EMBARRASS me.

        Rob: (out of nowhere, startling Johny) HI JOHN!!!

        (Beat)

        Johny: (sigh) Fine. You're gonna give me a ride, huh? You're not gonna stick around and embarrass me, right? ...You're just gonna stand there?

        (Rob runs off)

        Johny: Awwww.

        • "That was the decoy Rob!"
        • "Hey, you can't do this! I AM ROBERT WINCHESTER! BROTHER TO JOHNY WINCHESTER! HE WHO SITS RIGHT THERE IN THE BLEACHERS! LOOK AT HIM AND KNOW MY ASSOCIATION WITH HIM!"

        Mike: (upon seeing CJ chasing Johny with peacock feathers) Oh yeah, that reminds me.
        (pulls out a small pink feather and stares cunningly at Bjorn)

        Bjorn: For the last time, Mikey, I am not gay, and neither are you! I think.

        Mike: (sly giggle)

        (Bjorn backs off)

        Rob: Johny, come see!
        Johny: Oh, god.
        Rob: Reverse goatee is born!
        Johny: (groan)

        Not-the-Final Fantasy XII

        • "Are we having a party in here?" "YES! PARTY!"

        Rob: It's Final Fantasy, John, not Grand Theft Auto.
        Johny: Steal that chicobbo!
        Rob: I CAN'T! And um, it's pronounced "chocobo".

        Johny: That's stupid.

          Rob: Johny?
          Johny: Rob.
          Rob: What are you doing?
          Johny: You're connected to the internet.
          Rob: So what?
          Johny: I'm gonna play RuneScape.
          Rob: Oh hell no.
          Dan: Bob, stop it! You're making Mason frown!
          Rob: What, what? Baby Mason? Frowning?
          (Mason looks sad, but changes his expression to concerned)
          Rob: Concerned?
          (Mason looks happy and giggles)
          Rob: Happy? Okay, now you're messing with me.

          • "REVOLUTIOOOOOON! Sky pirate!"

          Johny: RuneScape has a story. Well, pieces of a story, in the mini-quests. Why do I have to do all this shit?

            Rob: (about Vaan on the game) He's the worst character in the game, so I didn't use him.

            Johny: But he's the main character!

            Dan: Why the hate, Bob, why?!

            Rob: Dude, look at him for a second.

            (shows them Vaan on the TV screen)

            Dan: Aah, Jew!

            Rob: He's Michael Jackson with a stupid haircut. His stomach doesn't even look real.

            "Well, let's see, we have red wolf, orange wolf, brown wolf, blue glowing wolf, wolf on fire, wolf with a top hat, Teen Wolf, wolf with a funny mustache, wolf that turns into Link, inside out wolf - and that's not even counting wolfmen."

            • "HOLY SHIT, STOP THE WORLD! IT'S ONE GIL!"
            • "Oh, Vaan, everybody hates you. The way you should be."

            Heinous Anus Zone

              Johny: (about Rob's imaginary Sonic level) I don't wanna hear this.
              Rob: Why not, John? It's such a good idea.
              Johny: It's a terrible idea.
              Rob: (chuckles) I'm gonna write to Sonic Team and tell them to put it in the next game.
              Johny: I'm sure they have better ideas than that.

              • When Mr. T comes out of nowhere startling Rob right after Johny says "Fool's gold."

              Mr. T: GRR! Oh, I'm sorry, did I scare you?
              Rob: Shit, man, I told you not to do that!
              Mr. T: Sorry 'bout that.
              Rob: I hate it when people do that.

              • "You never have a good idea." "BLASPHEMY!"

              tWHYlight

              Edward Cullen: I'm dangerous, leave me alone. I'm dangerous, leave me alone. I'm dange-- (Beat) I'm a pretty vampire, shut up!

                Rob: WHY DO I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THIS SHIT?!
                Adrian: I hope this could be better.
                Rob: I hope this doesn't turn into a musical, but I swear, if Hannah Montana makes a guest appearance, I'm gonna go on a murderous rampage. AND YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRLS ARE GONNA BE FIRST!!

                Fangirls: WOOOOOOOOOO!

                Rob: GRAAAHH!!

                • "Glitter skin, glitter skin!" "I HATE GLITTER!!"

                Rob: SHOOT ME NOOOOW!!!
                Adrian: Uh, sorry, I forgot my gun.
                Rob: Of course you did!

                  Fangirl: Oh my god, I'm gonna go see Twilight! TV said it's gonna be awesome! WOO!
                  Rob: Hey, let me tell you something important for a moment - EVERYONE DIES, THAT'S THE SURPRISE ENDING!!
                  (walks away)
                  Fangirl: (Inelegant Blubbering) I only bought a ticket...

                  Don't Sleep, Robby!

                  • Johny trying to connect to the internet. "I said you'll never let me down!...STOP LETTING ME DOWN!"
                  • "Gotta get on a good schedule, John. On a good schedule I gotta get. Good schedule I gotta get on a." "You're scaring me, Rob." "Fear is the devil's matchmaker, John."

                  Max: Canadian, eh? Johny? Eh, eh? You're trying to mock my country, John? We got botch hands, that means it isn't better!
                  Johny: I said "uh". Uh! Like the bad beat machine I am.
                  Max: Beat machine? Pff. You never played DDR.

                  • When Johny happily snuggles himself on Rob's bed, pretending to sleep.

                  Johny: But Rob, sleeping is good! Good sleep!
                  (jumps onto Rob's bed and cuddles himself)
                  Johny: Ah, this bed is so comfy! Oh yeah, it's such a comfy bed!
                  Max: You're enjoying yourself there, Johny?
                  Johny: Oh yeah, the pillow, the pillow! Feels so good to be so sleep!

                  • "I'll be back!" "To the future." (Beat) "God dammit."
                  • "All the effort wasted? DAMMIT! AAH! (crash) Dammit, who put my stereo here?!"

                  Max: Ooh, sounds important, should I be writing this down?
                  Rob: You haven't been??

                  • This exchange:

                  Johny: You were sleeping!
                  Rob: Nah, I'm staying awake. I'm zoning.
                  Johny: Sleeping!
                  Rob: Zoning!
                  Max: Meditating!
                  Rob: Mediating!
                  Max: Meteor!
                  Johny: Sleeping, I said!

                  Rob: You know what makes for a terrible pillow? The laptop keyboard. Especially one this fucking hot.

                  • When Rob realizes he accidentally stepped in the burrito. "Ah, dammit, I forgot my feet were dirty from the burrito! Ah, gross, it's all over the carpet!"

                  Johny: Haha! I finally found the perfect way to make Rob go to sleep! More perfect - wait a minute! I said this already! That exact line! This has all happened before, I swear it! Dammit, screw this, this déjà vu shit's freaking me out! Time for me to go crawl on the fetal position on my bed! Why am I in this closet when I plot, anyways?

                  • When Johny sees Rob finally going to sleep at the end. "FINALLY!" (Whap!) "Dammit!"
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