Mark Kermode/Quotes

Simon: (Reading correspondence on Transformers: Dark of the Moon) "...big alien machines, big explosions, big army stuff, fast cars, and battles and thats-gonna-hurt scenes. Very very entertaining, better than the last effort by miles. And with that spirit of optimism, let's find out what Mark thinks."

Mark: Well it's horrible, vile, vulgar and hideous, but it's important to understand why.

—Kermode and Mayo's Film Review

"In the middle of this there is a central thing which is 'I'm learning to love myself'. And I'm sitting there thinking, 'Yep, alright, go on'. What would have been really great is if at the end of the film what the person had learned was; you know what? (German accent) 'There is nothing but fear, desperation and murder'. Actually the last the last thing that should happen is she goes back to America, she goes back to Hollywood and Werner Herzog tells her that there is no God. The end."

—Kermode on Eat Pray Love

Mark: Nobody. Nobody. Nobody, Nobody, Nobody, Nobody, Nobody, Nobody will enjoy New Years Eve. Nobody.
Simon: They will.
Mark: No they won't. No they won't. Genuinely won't. Even people who love this sort of nonsense will feel ill. It's a movie so bad, even stupid people will hate it.
...
Mark: Even the might of Zac Efron starts to be crushed under the horrible tidal wave of vomitus pulchritudinous filth.
Simon: Vomitus. Excellent.

Mark: Honestly. It is like -- it is like something you that you would sick up after having eaten all the nasty consumerist porn of Christmas. This is like the vomit furball at the end of it. But the best thing is, no one will like it. People will pay to see it, people will pay to see it, it will be in the whatever-it-is, but no one will like it. No one in the world.

—Kermode on New Year's Eve

It is the most boring, ploddingly put together, infantile, crass, adolescent, stupid, chauvanistic twaddle that I have sat through in a very very long time. The screaming awful noise of this thing, it's so boring! It's astonishing that you could take this many potentially incediary elements and make something that crushingly dull.

—Kermode on Sucker Punch