Knight of Lolicon

A Mega Crossover Fanfiction by maestrodelvuelo. The original Spanish version can be found here.

Mike is an everyguy who still holes up with his parents. When some day he decides to smash all those stereotypes and go out for an adventure, he finds and saves a rather stunning girl from falling down a bridge and cracking her head, by painfully cushioning her. As the lass has lost her memory (prior to her encounter with Mike) the boy names her 'Linda' (Spanish for 'pretty') and takes her in to his house. No parents of her's around, no clue about them except for a mysterious letter... 'Just sleep a night, and then everything will be alright'. They do so and when they awake... a whole animated world gives them a non-welcome. Mike makes a pact with the resident Mentor Mascot: 'Shonenji, Genderiel of Shonen' in exchange for power to help Linda... and now he has to find all Genderiels and restore their goddess: the Goddess of Lolicon, in the off chance that she has the way to return them home. Along the way, a rival appears: the evil Lord Xig-Lem, who thinks about lolis as just sex dolls, and his helper: a corrupted Genderiel called Shojonoe.

This story has a English version by the name of Tales of Toons: Rorikon no Kishi, thanks to STORM and ROC.

As of 4/18/2011 the fanfic has spawned a sort of sequel: Tales of Toons: The Movie. Shorter than the original, gives insight and some character development to the antagonist and uses a new female heroine. Only available in Spanish, the author's trying to avert No Export for You by asking for translation help.

Among those who know of its existence, this fic is rather Love It or Hate It.

The premise itself is strange. The Goddess of Lolicon appears to be for all intents and purposes your run-of-the-mill deity, and the lolis are nothing more than regular girls from each Universe that lend the hero Power Ups via simple platonic hugs.

It's only in the sequel where the links to Lolicon are revealed, and even then the story's moral is that lusting after little girls is bad.

Tropes used in Knight of Lolicon include:
  • Action Girlfriend: Linda becomes more like this after the pact with the Genderiel Rita.
  • A Day in the Limelight: For the villain, it was a day out of the limelight: the Monster of the Week appeared, but not himself.
  • All There in the Script: Mike's real name is never provided (and Linda's is given in the very last episode) to make it difficult for readers to start tying unnecesary clues until The Reveal.
    • Mike's real name, though never said, is heavily implied to be Miguel.
  • Alternative Character Interpretation: Invoked by the author. The fic runs on the idea that the very first fictional Lolita (Dolores Haze) was a real person that died and became some kind of goddess/overseer of the Toon World, after her soul was cleansed, to represent the Lolicon phenomemon... On the same note, Humbert is bleached into being a hero for supossedly turning his sexual love into the fatherly kind, and shooting the 'villain' who was trying to, you know... make his daughter star a porn film.
  • Arc Break: At the last planet of a given galaxy. (almost always with a Cliff Hanger)
  • Armor-Piercing Slap, Megaton Punch: After watching Sakura Haruno do the impossible (with a little help from her Inner Sakura) Mike understands that only such attack can penetrate the Made of Iron Big Bad, and in a later chapter helps Linda learn it from the Megaton Punch mistress: Naru Narusegawa.

Mike: I call it... the Feminist Fist!

Rini: Are you her boyfriend?
Mike: Man, what do I do? If I say something inappropriate, Linda will kill me!
Linda: YES HE IS!
Mike: I am?

  • Censor Steam: Linda uses her Fog spell to cover the entire Hinata Hotsprings with smoke to bath alongside Mike without making him uncomfortable.
  • Chekhov's Boomerang: A skill learnt in some planet may have an use in a later one, as Mike shows us bringing his Transtector to a Gear fight... or using Jutsus in the series where ninjas can exist.
  • Clingy Jealous Girl: The boy saved her from dying, and so Linda has the resolve to make him love her no matter what. Those girls must know she was the first!
  • Clingy MacGuffin: The visor piece of his Knight armor doesn't go away in Mike's civilian form.
  • Cool Big Sis: Most little girls in the Maho and Shojo Galaxies treat Linda as this.
  • Cooldown Hug: Used in Pretty Cure's chapter, to subdue a rampaging Cure. Good example also on the first Virtual Galaxy planet: Linda is shocked at The Reveal involving her, and Mike says that 97% probability of 'yes' still has 3% probability of 'no'.
  • Covert Pervert: Linda becomes more and more of this with each chapter. Shonenji picks on her in that subject:

Linda: Grrr, now that I think about it, he didn't try anything when we were in the hotsprings... doesn't he find me attractive or what?
Shonenji: Does some unspeakable fantasy roam your mind, Lady Linda?

  • Crazy Enough to Work: When nothing can stop Lord Xig-Lem's chakra-stuffed giant monster, our hero does Shadow Clone Jutsu... in order to do a Fusion Dance with it. His raw power was the same but with the stats multiplier that the Metamur clothes gave him.
    • And again in Mahou Sensei Negima 's chapter, he throws Linda's earrings to the Narutaki twins, and they worked as some sort of Potaras, fusing them into a most dangerous Cute Bruiser.
  • Dangerous Forbidden Technique: Mike's Purple Comet can work by mixing blue (good) and red (evil) chakra and forming a meteor with it, while Linda's 'Dusk of Despair' mixes Light and Dark magic into an all-engulfing energy ball.
  • Dead Sidekick: Shojonoe is beaten and reverted to an egg midway through the story, and Xig-Lem soon steals her and attempts to find a new body for her to inhabit (adding to his primary goal of kidnapping lolis just to satisfy his urges)
  • Death Is Cheap: As said, Genderiels don't die, they revert to a digitama-ish egg.
  • Debut Queue: Every new loli and Genderiel follows a strict, historical order of appearance.
  • Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?:

Haruhi: I'm sure you grabbed her like this, you little devil. (grabs Linda's boobs)
Linda: HEY! (pushes Haruhi) Feminist Fist! (punches her in the face)
Kyon: We are SO doomed!

Shonenji: Do you insist on calling me things I am not? Now I am angry!
Linda: Shonny, please, don't be so picky...
Shonenji: Not you too, Lady Linda!

  • Even the Girls Want Her: In Haruhi Suzumiya's chapter, it's the reason Haruhi picked Linda to be a new brigade member: to see if she could get such a reaction from Mikuru (or at least that was Kyon's reasoning).
  • Evil Counterpart: Lord Xig-Lem has the same kind of armor as Mike, just black colored, and his weapon is a mirror shield to match Mike's light saber.
  • Evolving Credits: Each chapter has an ending fit to the series it comes from (they have all of their corresponding next-episode previews/teasers).
  • Expansion Pack Past: As they meet new Genderiels, Linda unravels more of her forgotten past.
  • Facial Markings: When Linda gets her last spell, her magic rosary loses its thread and mystic markings appear on her cheeks and forehead.
  • Finishing Move: Mike's Cosmo Break and Linda's Rosary of Dawn (the former uses it on an usual basis, but that's because everything dies from it... Linda loses hers when she masters her own weapon, but gains a new one: the Elemental Wheel).
  • Fire, Ice, Lightning: And Wood, Water, Wind, Light, Dark...
  • Fourth Wall: Acknowledged in this quote from Mike's: 'I have just suffered the Anticlimax Boss, Big Damn Heroes and God Mode Sue tropes!'
  • Gag Boobs: Linda is at first oblivious to her... power over men, but this is a good example:

Raine: Marta, before you leave... would you let me ask you something personal?
Linda: (posing as Marta) Oh no, she busted us!
Raine: What... well, what CUP SIZE do you use now?
Linda: Enough talking about my boobs!

Shonenji: Shojonoe, why did you defect to the wrong side? What you feel for such a villain is dangerous... and self-destructing.

Mike: (narrates) That was a shock! Along with her memories, Linda had also lost her manners! Only she would have dared to appear before me wearing... arg, I can't end the phrase!

    • ... Absolutely nothing. There, I said it!
  • Nobody Poops: Inverted. In Love Hina 's chapter, Linda hurriedly asks where is the bathroom...

Shonenji: Remember, Lord Mike, that Lady Linda has her biological necessities too.
Mike: Ah, yes, I forgot that we travel from here to there, never really stopping...

Shonenji: Again with the silly nicks, Lord Mike? How about I call you Mickey?

Linda: You said this move is the key to drill through Xig-Lem's defenses, right?
Mike: Correct, you already were witness to Sakura managing to do it.
Linda: The card-catching girl?

Mike: No, the ninja one!

Gotchi: Now I will enter the girl's soul, looks comfier.
Mike: Hey! Are you saying MY soul is dirty? Just go and make Rita company...!

  • Power Crystal: Shojonoe threw a sharp crystal with the intention of killing someone, but it was embedded in Linda's head for two straight galaxies, a la Radioactive Man... (during that period the crystal worked as a plot advancement trinket)
  • Power Incontinence: Just when her rosary was completed, Linda began sneezing spells she didn't want to (although Mike mistook it for a 'master control')
  • Power Levels: Used, of all places, in the Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch chapter... as shown:
  • Red String of Fate: Shojonoe, in her last serious battle, detected the two energy strings that meant the two friends had made a vow relative to each other.
  • Replacement Goldfish: The bad guy creates the ultimate Rozen Doll using Shojonoe's and Digidude's egg to power it... just to have someone that could call him 'father'.
  • Save Both Worlds: Mike is chosen to save the Toon World and the Real World, by stopping the flow of negative energy (regarding Lolicon) coming from the most insane, troubled part of humankind. There is a difference between a harmless pedophile and a child molester, you know.
  • Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: Done to ridiculous lengthts during the Tales (series) chapter:

Mike: (posing as Emil) *clinc* Playtime's over... aaarg! (PLAM!) (ras-ras-ras!) It's the final strike! (PLAM!) (bzzz!) *insane laughter* Darkness Devours: Ain Soph Aur! (BOOM!)

  • Sealed Good in a Can: The Goddess of Lolicon.
  • Secret Test of Character: Mike's meeting with Linda was a test done by the Goddess, to be sure she will be bringing a worthy savior to her world. Linda had to be a blank slate... to allow her to adopt her own likes, fears and whatnot from the boy.
  • Shout-Out: Oh boy, where to start... maybe from the beginning.
    • The division between galaxies is reminiscent of Super Mario Galaxy 's gameplay.
    • Mike's outfit is a reference to Ben Tennyson's, while Linda is like Travis Touchdown's
    • The first chapter's head paragraph ('a teacher is one who devotes oneself...') takes after the Narrator's first lines in Hayate the Combat Butler 's first OP sequence.
    • The enemies in the Transformers chapter aren't Masterforce's Decepticons but the ones in the first live action movie.
    • The Big Bad has a self made Transtector, which looks like Gotcha Force 's dragon borgs. (Even the name is a Shout-Out: Draco-borg)
    • When Linda gets bathed in Chemical Z her pictomancy powers take after Final Fantasy VI 's kid artist Relm, complete with living-portrait-kicking-its-models-ass.
    • In Mermaid Melody's chapter the mermaids get trapped in her half-fish form because of being cursed with springwater (which curiously, doesn't come from China but from the Dead Sea) In the same chapter, Linda sings the intro to Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon... with an all-new translation.
    • The one-shot only attack granted to Mike by Aqua Regina, the 'Dragon Wrath' looks like the similar sounding tech from Shiryu, the Dragon Saint. Of course that was to be on par with the villain, who somehow stole one of Poseidon's Cloths.
    • Lenneth Valkyrie makes a cameo in the Ah! My Goddess chapter along with a fellow Norse mythology partner: the squirrel Ratatosk. The heroes were expecting someone a bit more... blonde.
    • Petite Princess Yucie chapter has us meet a young Lucifon, before he met the Gods chosen child, Olivia. Apparently, when young he disliked sexy women as much as some famous evil overlord.
    • All the plot in Haruhi Suzumiya 's chap stems from the Treehouse of Horrors episode in which Bart is also a Reality Warper.
    • Negima's chapter brings us the four mages which founded the 'Jobar' School of Wizardry (it's a spanish term roughly meaning 'aw, man') Their names should ring a bell.
    • Pokemon's chapter has Ash's cousin visit him and being robbed of her Pokemon, and Mike gets a Pokewatch that morphs him into different Pokemon. And Colosseum's heroes, Wes and Rui, also make an appearance.
    • Digimon's chapter, set in the Tamers universe, needs some knowledge of the Wonderswan games to fully be understood (Ryo's relatonship with Cyberdramon)
    • In Yugioh's chapter, good old Yami does a Shadow Game to beat Lord Xig-Lem... and the game that's suggested appears as a minigame in Tales of Eternia.
    • In the Twilight Princess' chapter, Agitha gives her medallion to Link before being caught, which later summons a giant, golden stag beetle to fight alongside the heroes. Mike describes it best: 'This looks just out of a damm Mushiking fight!'.
    • Xenogears' chapter delves into Maria Balthasar's missing mom, and it happens to be that she pulled out a Yui Ikari.
    • The Tales (series) chapter makes the boy and girl from the second Narikiri Dungeon game take after Mike and Linda's appearance (just after they robbed Emil and Marta's costumes themselves)
    • All the Final Fantasy chapter, set in the Dissidia world, is reminiscent of the Sanctuary arc of Saint Seiya.
  • Subordinate Excuse: Shojonoe began following Xig-Lem's every whim because she wanted to be the one on top of his 'galactic harem'.
  • That Came Out Wrong:

Linda: Come on, Mike, I hope the next time you will let me watch...
Mike: That sounded quite dirty.

Mike: ITS A FRIKKING GARBAGE TRUCK!
Linda: I don't see any problem with it...
Mike: IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE!?

Kaolla: Hey, the boy with the funny glasses is naked... well, just as the girl is.
Kitsune: You're right! From here you couldn't tell, but I am sure they were about to do This and That to each other...
Mike: (frozen) We weren't!

Shonenji: How do you like them Knight's powers?
Mike: Apart from pulling out a sword from nowhere, they are rather lame.

  • What Is This Feeling?: Losing his primary follower and fangirl made Xig-Lem reconsider shrugging off her sincere love.
  • Whip It Good: The Wood spell of Linda's, makes vines grow and do all shorts of whip tricks.
  • Younger Than They Look: Mike himself looks younger than your typical Christmas Cake... but yeah, the prize goes to the Goddess of Lolicon proper, having existed since... 1955.
  1. ↑ Spanish for "pretty"
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