John Wells/Funny
Who says spy novel can't be funny?
- After the climactic fight in Midnight House, Wells checks himself in the bathroom, finding his testicles swollen. Shafer walks in right when he pokes his testicles.
Shafer: Now's really not the time, John.
Wells: Funny, Ellis.
- Read this:
The OPFOR, opposing force, was probably not AQAP—Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula. No, the OPFOR was UNK, unknown. But it appeared HT/HC, highly trained and capable. The SIM, Saudi Interior Ministry, had not asked for TECH/LOG, technical or logistical help. The CIA and NSA judged that the SIM was not close to catching the OPFOR.
The reports made Kurland’s HH, head hurt.
- Midnight House. CIA ops had just retrieved a secret laptop of Pakistani terrorist. This conversation ensues as they boot it up.
Op leader: What do you think?
Really hot Paki porn.
They have hot porn?
No. That’s why it’s so special.
Horse porn.
Horse-dog porn.
A horse doing a dog? That’s just sick. Where do you get that, Task?
- Also, in Midnight House. Wells and Shafer get caught in some agency turf-war snafu.
The job was becoming stranger by the day, Wells thought. Arrested, or not quite arrested, by the director of national intelligence for a mission they were carrying out on behalf of the director of central intelligence.
Wells: We should go to Congress. Tell them they need to appoint a director of planetary intelligence to sort this out.
Shafer: Why stop there? I was thinking galactic.
Wells: Universal.
- Midnight House again. This one, when Shafer and John have their investigation pinned and stuck at an Obstructive Bureaucrat.
Shafer: Brant Murphy. Brant F. Murphy. Know what the F stands for?
Wells: I can guess.
Shafer: This guy's like a bad dream. Everywhere we turn.
Wells: Ellis. You said you don't believe in big conspiracies.
Shafer: I'm starting to.
Wells: Me, too.
- Secret Soldier. While investigating a jihadi safehouse, Wells finds a Victoria Secret catalogue, "the saddest piece of not-quite-pornography he had ever seen."