Jasper Carrott/YMMV

• Acceptable Targets: Pretty much everybody at one time or another...with the occasional exception...

Angry Christian: Bloody Carrott, why don't you have a go at the Muslims instead?
Carrot (deer-in-headlights look): Buh-because they'd kill me...?

• • "No man is an island, but Pavarotti going swimming comes close..."
  • Bungee jumpers, water skiers, regular skiers, and anyone who practices any kind of sport which Carrott considers likely to result in grievous bodily harm.
  • "I once did a routine about dyslexics, and the letters I got...'Dor Gaspar Pargit, leave u*s exiliads alone, you winker!'"
  • "I once did a routine about people with Alzheimer's, and the envelopes I got..."
  • "I once did this routine..." (covers his mouth with his hand) "Today we're going to have a go at deaf people!" (takes his hand away) "I dunno who told 'em!"
  • (While talking about speed bumps) "They say that if you hit it at over 100 mph, you don't feel it. Wrong. I hit the first one, missed the next thirteen...and went around the rest of the week looking like Clive Anderson." (Mimes having no neck)