Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade/Funny

• "It belongs in a museum!" "So do you!"
• In 1912, as a young Indy and a fat, nameless Boy Scout stumble upon a bunch of bandits who discover the gold cross:

NMBS: (discovers a snake has been crawling on his leg for some time, starts promptly freaking out)

Young Indy: Would you relax? It's just a snake!

• Indy breaking a floor tile in time to a Librarian stamping his books, with the Librarian looking in utter bewilderment at his suddenly incredibly noisy rubber stamp.
• "No ticket!"
  • Made even funnier by the fact that he's speaking plain American English to a bunch of German passengers.
• Most of Indy and Henry's lines, in fact; Sean Connery and Harrison Ford have excellent comic timing for normally dramatic actors.
• [spotting fighter planes] "Dad! Eleven o'clock!" [Henry checks pocket watch] "...what happens at eleven o'clock?!"
  • Just after that, when one of the enemy fighters gets on the biplane's tail, Henry Sr. takes up the gun and shoots at him... and tears up his own plane's tail section.

Indiana/Henry Jr.: Dad! Are we hit?
Henry Sr.: More or less... Son I'm sorry, they got us

• "Junior... the floor's on fire... and the chair... and the table!"
  • "Dad!" "What?" "DAD!" "WHAT??" "DAD!!" "WHAAAT?!?" "Head for the fireplace!"
  • "Our situation has not improved."
• The hilariously awkward Beat between Indy and Henry Sr. when he finds out his dad slept with Elsa.
  • "She talks in her sleep."
    • "I'm as human as the next man." "Dad, I was the next man!"
    • The little smirk he makes after he says it is hilarious.
• The scene where Indy sneaks into the Nazi rally in disguise and runs into Hitler . . . who thinks Indy's just a starstruck fan.
  • And autographs the notebook containing instructions on how to find the MacGuffin.
• "How does one get off this thing?" Made even funnier when Henry notices that Brody's no longer on the tank - you can see him lying there in the background, dazed and probably wondering what the hell just happened.
• Sean Connery squawking like a seagull!
  • Are you sure that it was a seagull? It sounded more like a Steamtrain!
  • And the seagulls causing the Nazi plane to crash.
• The scene where they're trying to infiltrate the Nazi castle that Henry Sr. is being held in.

Butler: If you are a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse!
Indy: (In a hilariously bad Scottish accent) How dare he? *knocks out butler*

• One of the German pilots actually trying to fly into the tunnel to chase after Indy and Henry, tearing off the plane's wings and setting it on fire, and ending up passing their car. The look on the pilot's face just says, "I did not think this through."
• This film remarkably has a Crowning Moment of Awesome, Crowning Moment of Heartwarming AND Crowning Moment of Funny all at the same time without a word of dialogue. When Henry Jones Sr., Marcus and Sallah watch the tank which they think Indy's inside go over a cliff, they all stand heartbroken on the edge of it. Indy gets up and dazedly walks to the cliff edge, staring confusedly along with everyone else.
• Sallah desperately trying to hint to Marcus that he should run as German soldiers close in on them, until he finally just shouts "Run!" and punches a soldier through his newspaper.

Marcus: (confused) Yes.

• • Just before this, the Gilligan Cut from Indy telling the Nazis that they'll never be able to find Marcus as he'll blend in perfectly with the locals, to Marcus desperately asking if anyone speaks English.
    • Which has some of Marcus' most hilarious lines. For example:

Marcus: Does anybody here speak English? Or even Ancient Greek? Water? No, thank you sir. No...no, fish make love in it. Chicken? No thank you, I'm a vegetarian! Does anyone understand a word I'm saying?!

• • And when Sallah tells Marcus to hide in a nearby shop, which is, in fact, a Nazi truck that drives off. Sallah can only stare and lean over in disappointment.
• As above, almost any time that Denholm Elliott (Marcus) is onscreen, he hams it up for all he's worth, including at the end when everyone is set to ride off into the sunset for a Happy Ending.

Marcus: Indy! Henry! Follow me! I know the way! Hyaaaaahhh! (Spurs his horse, which takes off, bouncing him violently in the saddle)

• A Tempting Fate moment:

Henry: What are you doing? Get down!
Indy: Don't worry, Dad. We're well out of range.
BOOM!
(Sallah's car was hit)
Sallah: That car belongs to my brother-in-law.

• • It becomes a Brick Joke when Indy angrily tells Sallah that he doesn't need camels. Sallah explains they're not for transportation - they're to pay his brother-in-law back for the car.
• This exchange between Indy and Henry Sr. after it comes out that Indy brought the MacGuffin with him:

Henry Sr.: I should've mailed it to the Marx Brothers.
Indy: Will you take it easy?
Henry Sr.: Take it easy?! Why do you think I sent it home in the first place? So it wouldn't fall into their hands!
Indy: I came here to save you!
Henry Sr.: Oh yeah?! Well who's gonna come to save you, Junior?!

• • And "Don't call me 'Junior!'"
  • "Look what you did! I can't believe what you did!"
• "What about the boat? We're not going on the boat?"
• When the Nazis offer the Sultan a chest of jewels and gold, he is not impressed - he is impressed by the Rolls Royce, however. Donovan quickly adjusts his plan, smiles, and tells the Sultan, "The keys are in the ignition."
• "You call this archaeology?"