I Have This Friend/Quotes

"Daddy, I have this...friend, and, he's real nice, but he spends half his time running around the playground, kicking kids in the shins and mashing dirt in their faces."
Best Possible Fathering: "Focus on your studies and don't make pals with kids like that."

Worst Possible Fathering: "I'm not your friend, son."

—Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

Doug Funnie: Well, um, I have this friend, it's not me!

—Doug

I've gotta tell him I lost a submarine. Can I make something up, like "say a friend of mine hypothetically..."

—President Bartlett, The West Wing, "Gone Quiet"