Harry Potter and the Invincible Technomage/Funny

• Oh, sweet mercy, the sorting song. The author doesn't even try to make one for the story and gives us this:

"In every fic with a sorting scene,
The Author includes a song.
With prose abused cruel and mean,
And they go on much too long.
The smart ones just include
The hat's libretto from the canon.
The others, well they're just rude,
And quite abusive to the fanon.
For this fic, let's just assume
The hat was verbose and quite witty.
Because my poetry will clear a room,
It really is that shitty.
For you purists who need the fic to have a sorting song,
And lacking the same would drive you to try to pick a bone.
I would suggest you should please yourself and surely do no wrong,
If you were to reread the verse from the book about the stone."

• • I dunno that that qualifies as no effort, he apparently had to work a bit to come up with the rhymes and structure of it, and then phrasing it as a huge Take That at people who feel obligated to make up a stupid remix of the hat's song.
• Sirius Black's business card:

Sirius Black
Lover of Women, Wine and Song
Soldier of Fortune – Professional Life of the Party
Orgy planning, natural inseminations and avoiding jealous husbands are my specialties
Special rates for Hen Parties

Testimonials from past clients:
Stay away from my wife.
-Cornelius Fudge
Boy, you are a disappointment and a disgrace to the family. You are no son of mine!
-My dear mother
I told you to stay away from my wife... And my daughter!
-Cornelius Fudge
Arrrg!
-Death Eater
Not in the face!
-Another Death Eater
Look at the size of that thing.
-Amelia Bones
Oh Sirius, you were incredible; you've ruined us for other men.
-Holyhead Harpies
You will rue the day you defied my Black! Your days are numbered.
-Voldemort
What are you doing in my house?... And get off of my wife!
-Paul Parkinson
Damn you, Black.
-Severus Snape