Father Ted/Funny

• "I'm not a Fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests...more drink!"
  • From that episode, the entire scene with the two townspeople.
  • "Feckin' Greeks! They invented gayness!"
  • "Should we all be racists now, Father? What's the official line the Church is taking on this?"
• Dougal... just Dougal.
  • Perspective for Dummies.
  • Dougal's diagram.
  • "YOU LET DOUGAL DO A FUNERAL?!!" *cut to a flaming hearse*
• Dougal is naming his new rabbit, but Ted has told him it cannot be "Ted" or "Mrs. Doyle". He eventually settles on naming it "Father Jack".

Dougal: "I got used to calling him Father Jack. Can't we call Father Jack something else instead?"
Ted: "Great, what do we call him? Flipper. Flipper the Priest."
Jack: "YES?"

• Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse. The entire episode, but especially the ending where Bishop Brennan kicks Ted up the arse sending him flying several feet through the air.
  • Also, Ted's first attempt at kicking the titular bishop. As he's running up to deliver the kick, Father Jessop sees him and Ted shifts gears and jumps out the window.
  • "THAT LITTLE GOBSHITE DID KICK ME UP THE ARSE!!!"
• Hell the entire episode. It gave one of the funniest Father Jack scenes in the whole show

Jack: "WHO'RE YOU? I LIKE CAKE. WHERE AM I? WHAT'S THAT THING THERE? ARE THOSE MY FEET?"

• Ted's perfectionism in getting a dent out of a car they were sent to raffle off ends up destroying it. He's unusually calm surveying the damage and concluding that they can't use it in the raffle, then cut to an exterior shot that night...

Jesus Christ, we're dead! Oh God Almighty!

• • From the same episode - the priest Ted hires to DJ at the fundraising event has brought only one record with him.

Ted: So let me just thank you all now for coming along, and ask you to stand for our national anthem.
Cue "Ghost Town" by The Specials playing

• Jack sobers up and starts remembering what everything in the house is called...and his word for Ted is "gobshite."
• The episode with Eoin Mc Love, when all the old ladies are crowding around the house, and Fr. Jack launches into this:

Father Jack: They lie in wait like wolves. The smell of blood in their nostrils. Waiting. Interminably waiting. And then...

• • Dougal's reaction?

Dougal: He's right Ted.

• "We have to lose that sax solo!"
  • "Like a train in the- Hold on I can get this bit- Night."
  • In the same episode, Ted's Cluster F-Bomb speech.
• Jack gets into a pub after a day of having his specs stolen, wandering into an alcoholic anonymous group and deprived of a single drink. A AA member sees him about to have a glass and runs in to toss it away.
  • "Don't do it Father! I won't let you do it, I know hurts but believe me you're going to thank me fo-" *Cut to Ambulance blaring down the road*
• "Never be yourself! That's just a thing people say!