Epic Fail/Quotes

Washington: That was the worst throw. Ever. Of all time.

Caboose: Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.

—Red vs. Blue

...your job is to conceal something that genuinely doesn't exist, and you discover a way to fail at it.

—Llewellyn from Ozy and Millie on the UFO conspiracy.

I can't get over that; how do you hit a mountain?

—Adrian Monk, referring to a submarine in Mr. Monk Is Underwater

Not that I'm complaining about it, but... HOW DO YOU MISS A VOLCANO?!

—Thief, Eight Bit Theater

"Wow, Fighter. You don't half-ass screwing up, do ya?"

—Black Mage, Eight Bit Theater

Why can't my successes ever be as spectacular as my failures?

—Jason, FoxTrot

My god! That's like if you tried to make scrambled eggs and instead you caught syphilis!

—Todd in the Shadows

[...T]here are speedruns [of this game] on Youtube in under a minute. YOU CALL THAT GOOD PROGRAMMING?!

—UrinatingTree's review of the Genesis port of Dark Castle

"You missed! With a cannon!"

—Tremors 4

How do you get a note from the teacher on the last day of school?

—Mrs. Summers, Least I Could Do

It is pretty impressive that you managed to combine so many ingredients and it came out tasting like nothing.

—Kanji Tatsumi of Persona 4 on Yukiko's omelet.

"He burnt my fries!''
"He burnt my krabby patty!"

"He burnt my shake!"

—Various extras, SpongeBob SquarePants

"I didn't know you could burn juice."

—Rarity, My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic

One of her teammates figured out how to counter a 100 story fall with an exploding hot dog cart, and this bitch can't kill herself with a whole jungle? You can't fail harder than that without actually being Phil Collins.

—Cracked, 6 Superheroes Who Completely Lost Their Shit

If you lose money, it can be bad luck. It you blow up, it is certainly incompetence. #FooledbyRandomness

—Nassim Nicholas Taleb, mathematician and trader, on Twitter