Ensign Sue Must Die

Ensign Mary Amethyst Star Enoby Aiko Archer Picard Janeway Sue is the youngest officer in Starfleet. A skilled linguist… an unmatched warrior… a cunning strategist… a scientific genius… a gentle healer… a passionate lover… She is a woman of exceptional beauty, perfect in every way…

…and she's driving the crew of a certain enterprising starship INSANE!

So begins the tale of "Ensign Sue Must Die". A Web Comic drawn by Kevin Bolk of Interrobang Studios and written by Clare Moseley of Clare Moseley.ca. The story takes place in the Star Trek universe after the events of the 2009 revamp film which follows the Starship Enterprise's new medical officer Ensign Sue. The comic completely parodies the concept of a Mary Sue character. Can be found here or on deviantart.

The web comic has become a trilogy: "Ensign Sue Must Die" (25 strips), "Ensign Two: The Wrath of Sue" (35 strips), and "Ensign Cubed: Crisis of Infinite Sues" (49 strips) are all available at the same site.

Tropes used in Ensign Sue Must Die include:

• Actor Allusion: A rather unusual example. Uhura in the 2009 film is played by Zoe Saldana, but in comic 7, she is seen reading Ebony magazine with Nichelle Nichols on the cover.^[1]
  • The same kind of example in Sulu's case. After George Takei came out of the closet, some fans assumed his character was also gay. Word of God has denied this claim, but that hasn't stopped certain artists from ruling out the possibility entirely...
• Art Shift: Fourth comic, and it is hilarious.
• Brainy Baby: Apparently, even as a newborn infant, Ensign Sue was able to escape the destruction of the Kelvin.
• Brick Joke: Remember in the film when Scotty mentions that he lost Admiral Archer's beagle in a transporter accident? He tries to do the same to Ensign Sue. It fails, but Sue finds the beagle.
  • Bonus brick joke for those who've read the Novelization The beagle shows up at the end of the book.
• Chibi: The whole comic is drawn in this style. Which, of course, makes everything much funnier.
• The Cutie
  • Cute Bruiser: "They had no honor!"
• Evil Costume Switch
• Eureka Moment: Possibly one of the funniest renditions ever
• Evil Twin: Mirror Sue
• Expospeak Gag: Mary Sue reveals her dark secret to McCoy- She has pedal transient paresthesia! Her foot's asleep. Also a Continuity Nod to Star Trek IV the Voyage Home, where McCoy uses the same premise to get through a hospital with a crewmember feigning illness.
• Face Palm Repeatedly.
• Fascinating Eyebrow: Spock gives one here and here.
• First-Name Basis: Parodied--Ensign Sue addresses all the crew members by their first names and is often told to use their last names or official titles.
• Freak-Out: Poor Spock.
• Gainaxing here along with...
• Gag Boobs
• Girl-On-Girl Is Hot: Mirror Sue demonstrates how evil she is... by making out with Uhura. When Spock relays the events to Kirk, Kirk remarks that he likes this Sue better.
  • Ends up being a Brick Joke in the third story arc.
• God Is Evil: On the contrary, God is another Mary Sue.
• Halfbreed/Too Many Halves: She's half-Vulcan....and half-Klingon...and half-Russian....and half-Japanese....and half-Deity.
• Interactive Narrator: Ensign Sue, of course. Provides the page image.
• Kaleidoscope Eyes: And hair, and Beauty Mark... we can see them in the process of changing here.
• Kawaii: Sue.^[2]
• Leaning on the Fourth Wall - an interesting variation at the end.
• Luminescent Blush: "Luckily, even with their love for each other, they will always pine for me..."
• Manga-esque: A borderline case.
• Minor Injury Overreaction: Gasp! Not pedal transient paresthesia!
• Multicolored Hair: Pink and blonde; see page image.
  • Well, more specifically, pink and blue and purple and yellow and...
• My Significance Sense Is Tingling: Played for Laughs in comics 8 and 9.
• Oh Crap: Scotty's priceless reaction upon seeing Sue and Mirror!Sue.
• Overly Long Name: Mary Amethyst Star Enoby Aiko Archer Picard Janeway Sue
• Parallel Universe
• Parody Sue: The whole point.
• Precious Puppies
• Punny Name: Le Cutest of Beagle, Ensign Sue's pet dog.
• Reality Warper
• Recycled in Space: "It's like a unicorn, but it's IN SPACE!"
• Red Shirt: The only possible way to kill Ensign Sue.
• Ridiculously Cute Critter: "Le Cutest of Beagle".
• Shout-Out:
  • The comic contains quite a few My Immortal Refrences.
  • Pocket Death Star
  • The "coming soon" poster for "Ensign Two: The Wrath of Sue" includes Thor's Hammer, Captain America's Shield, The Infinity Gauntlet, the Moon Rod, Cloud's Blade, Ichigo's Zanpakuto, The Assault Rifle from Aliens, a Green Lantern Ring, Pokéballs, Batman's Utility Belt, The Master Sword, The Golden Gun, Indy's whip, Luke's lightsaber and grapple, the Elder Wand, a sonic screwdriver, ... and the Autobot emblem as Ensign Sue's beauty mark.
• Somebody Else's Problem: One of the reasons Sue is so hard to eliminate is that nobody wants to have anything to do with her. Also Starfleet's official response ha-ha ha ha
• The Thing That Would Not Leave
• Too Dumb to Live: Ensign Sue would be this, if she weren't a Mary Sue.
• Title Drop: Here.
• Unicorn: "It flies at warp speed and farts stardust."
• Up to Eleven: Spock sets his phaser to "Pocket Death Star". It still doesn't kill Mary Sue.
• Villain Sue: Invoked with Mirror!Sue though her definition of evil is rather weak...
• Why Don't Ya Just Shoot Him: it doesn't work.
• Yaoi Fangirl: Ensign Sue here demonstrates that she finds the idea of Kirk x Spock quite alluring. Of course, even in this scenario, she thinks that deep down they'd still pine for her.
• You Know Who Said That?: installment "Ensign Two: The Wrath of Sue 07":

Spock: It's not so outlandish, Jim. "If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Sherlock Holmes: I couldn't have said it better myself.
Spock: I believe you did.

1. ↑ For those who don't get the joke, Nichelle Nichols played Uhura in the original series.
2. ↑ According to Sulu, however, the term kawaii will be excised from the Japanese language in the mid-21st century.