< Demolition Man

Demolition Man/Funny


  • President Schwarzenegger Library, to begin with.
    • This one starts to sound more like Tempting Fate; he IS a Governor. Then if the configuration of stars and stuff will be right, he might just become a President one day if the 61st Amendment is passed (as in the movie) to allow him to run.
  • When Spartan met Cocteau in his office.

Cockteau: Be well.
Spartan: Be fucked.
Machine: John Spartan, you are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute

    • Spartan shoots the machine, making Associate Bob faint.
  • Phoenix opens a manhole and...

"Shit! I LOVE that smell! Reminds me of biscuits and gravy!"

  • Phoenix argues with a computer about using a phaser gun when two museum guards walk up to him and try to talk to him nicely. Of course, Phoenix just shoots them. Without looking at them. Or pausing his conversation with the computer.

Phoenix: So I'm supposed to use batteries? Where the fuck do you find batteries in the future?

  • The statement of a little girl that Spartan saved while blowing up a mini-mall in the process.

Reporter: How can you justify destroying a $7 million mini mall to rescue a girl whose ransom was only $25,000?
Girl: Fuck you, lady!
Spartan: Good answer.

  • There's also the part where Spartan crashes in the futuristic police car.

Spartan: Brake. Brake! BRAKE NOW, YOU MICKEY MOUSE PIECE OF SHIIIIIIT!

  • And Spartan exploiting the Swear-O-Meters for toilet paper because he can't figure out those damned seashells.

Spartan: Thanks a lot, you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball-breaking, duck-fucking pain in the ass.

    • And who else does the Swear-O-Meter catch, besides Spartan and Phoenix?

Huxley: *muttering* Sanctimonious asshole.
Computer: Lenina Huxley, you are fined one-half credit for a sotto voce violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.

  • Spartan, upon being informed that his uniform is torn after a fight.

Huxley: Look at you, you're in shambles!
Spartan: Don't worry, I can fix it. All I need is a needle and thread.
Beat
Spartan: I really didn't say that, did I? Damn it!

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