< Christopher Titus

Christopher Titus/Funny

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  • Almost all of Norman Rockwell is Bleeding, wherein Titus describes his early life, most of which was terrible.
    • "We had everything in my family! Perscription drug abuse. Mental illness. One of my uncles is a Mormon."
    • Falling into a bonfire, which convinced him to stop drinking.

Titus: Then I see my hands in this burning ember, and I say... "AAAAAAAHHHH!"

    • A lot of his setups tend to be subverted right at the last second.

Titus: (referring to when he and his first girlfriend -- the Jewish girl who kept punching him in the face -- moved to a beach house): Once the dichotomy changed? My God. It was a fucking nightmare!"

Titus: (referring to when he and Erin first broke up over infidelity): And I read her beautiful words and... I started to realize... I owned her ass.

    • Describing the first time he challenged his dad to a fist fight:

Titus: Fighting Dad's not a fight; fighting Dad is, (a la a game show announcer): "Hi! You've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"

  • His special "Love is Evol," which is all about how Love Makes You Crazy, had a few really good moments.
    • "Oh no, we're totally cool now. He stopped using the aluminum bat on me. I hated that noise. Ting, ting, ting, ting."
    • "I filed for divorce on June 6th, '06. (audience groans) 6-6-6! Yeah, which, coincidentally, turned my ex into a fire-breathing demon from the bowels of Satan's anus... but for legal reasons, I have to call her "Kate."
    • Titus' reaction to hearing his father's story of how Titus was conceived [1]: "Wow..." (twitches slightly): "That's just like the story of Christmas."
    • Everything Titus' Inner Retard says. Everything.
    • The best jokes, though, came from his It Got Worse segment in "Love is Evol" when talking about 3 embarrassing moments in his relationship with his new girlfriend. Can be seen here.
  • During the first part of Neverlution when he names off all the bad events that happened between 2001 and 2011 (9/11, the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, Hurricane Katrina, George W. Bush's election and re-election, the BP oil spill, "talentless sluts" like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Kim Kardashian becoming popular, Haiti's earthquake, and Toyota recalling faulty cars) while imitating a recovering heroin addict who realized what happened in ten years and became violently ill over it.
  1. ↑ Ken, who just came back from his stint as National Guardsman, found his apartment ransacked by Juanita and gets a call from her, saying that she wants to see him again. Ken and Juanita make love in her apartment just as Juanita's new boyfriend comes home. Rather than step out and get offended over being interrupted during sex, Ken continues to plow Juanita and forcing her boyfriend to helplessly hear his love scream and squeal during sex while Ken insulted him
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