By "No" I Mean "Yes"

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    I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right... but I'm never wrong.
    —Sam Goldwyn

    A character makes a statement, then immediately adds that they actually mean the exact opposite of what they said. Usually shows up in comedies. May be used as a form of pointing out sarcasm.

    Compare Dissimile. See also No Except Yes, where a character prefers to use a different word to mean the same thing, and "No" Means "Yes", where people assume a person is doing this, but they aren't.

    A reminder: when the topic is sex, no means no.

    Examples of By "No" I Mean "Yes" include:

    Film

    • In Alone in The Dark, a man says that three characters have nothing in common, except growing up at the same orphanage. That's... a pretty big thing to have in common.
      • That may be because he was talking to a man from the same orphanage, who brought him their files from that same orphanage, in which case the same orphanage thing was already known and he meant 'nothing else in common'.

    Newspaper Comics

    Jon: I can't go out tonight, Liz.... I have a terrible cold. Don't worry, though. Garfield's taking good care of me.... [Cut to Garfield laying on the table in front of Jon] as in NOT!
    Garfield: Can't you breathe in the other direction?

    Live Action TV

    • Subverted by Niles Crane in Frasier.

    Niles: Her lips said "no", but her eyes said, "Read my lips."

    • In the Castle episode "One Man's Treasure," Alexis tells Beckett, "I know my dad can sometimes be a handful, and by sometimes I mean all the time."
    • Used my Mark Lamarr on Never Mind the Buzzcocks, usually along the lines of "...I like x. I say like, I mean tolerate. I say tolerate, I mean (Description of elaborate torture he'd rather be put through rather than have anything to do with x)"

    Music

    • The Living End has a song called Short Notice with lyrics like:

    I said I wanna, I wanna see you
    I really meant I wanna, I wanna leave you
    I said I wanna, I wanna touch you
    I really meant I wanna, I wanna punch you

    Video Games

    Web Original

    • Agents of Cracked has with Michael: "If by "I want a hot dog" you mean "I want your junk in my mouth", then sure!"
    • The FAQ from The Best Page in The Universe includes the question, "How often do you update your page?" His answer: "At least once every week. And by "once every week," I really mean "when I get a chance." And by "when I get a chance," I really mean never."

    Western Animation

    • In the South Park episode "Cartman's Incredible Gift," the police come to Cartman, who has (supposedly) gained psychic abilities, and offer to pay him to help them catch a killer. Cartman replies, "I'm afraid that my powers are not for sale. And by that, I mean that they absolutely are for sale."
    • Lionel Hutz from The Simpsons:

    "I accidentally ran over his dog. And by accidentally I mean repeatedly, and by dog I mean son."

      • Leonard Nimoy introduces The Simpsons episode "The Springfield Files" with, "The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies."
      • This...

    Homer: I have to go do some serious thinking.
    Bart: I think dad meant "do some serious drinking."
    Lisa: That's what I assumed.

      • In "Kill Gill Vols. 1 & 2", Marge has trouble saying no to freeloader Gil and when she finally gets the guts to, he's gone. Which leads to this...

    Homer: Hey Marge! Want $1000?
    Marge: NO! I mean yes.
    Homer: Too late. (burns the money)

    Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus! What an unexpected surprise... and by unexpected I mean completely expected!

      • Also, Major Monogram once said he wanted to approve Perry's request for a vacation but there was a small problem. He admitted that by "small" he meant "big" and by "approve" he ment "reject".
    • Used in an episode of Maryoku Yummy, with Baburu commenting on Hadagi's latest scheme: "I can see this is going to be fun. And by fun, I mean no fun at all."
    • Futurama, "The Devil's Hands are Idle Playthings": "You may have to metaphorically make a Deal with the Devil. And by devil, I mean Robot Devil. And by metaphorically I mean get your coat."
    • A literal case happened in King of the Hill. Peggy was once asked to teach German and she answered "Nein", thinking it meant "Yes". As she related this to her niece, Peggy said she had lost an opportunity because of that.
    • Pushed to the extreme by Sasha in Titan Maximum:

    Sasha: We thought you’d given up on us. And by We I mean I and by thought I mean hoped and by given up I mean died and by on us I mean in a fire and by period I mean disappointed ellipses.

    • The Fairly OddParents episode "Hairicane" had Chet Ubetcha playing with this trope. When it seemed the Air Force would defeat the hairicane, he announced "We're saved!". Then the hairicane defeated the Air Force, prompting Chet to say "And by saved, I mean doomed!"
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