Boston Legal/Funny

• Lesbian.
• Claire in her first episode to Alan:

I know who you are. You are a horny little toad. Toads give me warts. Hop away, horny toad.

• Alan's word salad. Especially funny because the inflection is spot-on—it sounds like he's just swapped all the phonemes in a perfectly legitimate sentence.

Alan Shore: Pillow pants join forces over embargo pylons. You aren't mailing past honor for the liking of a room. These questions are birthday basements. To end the blue radish in the upside of luxury and sparking a good lizard can only make tears fall in hindsight. Puddles do not ask for why not? It is cheese! Breath and wind. It is cheese. [sits down, spent and furious, then nonchalantly looks up] What?

• Also Alan and Denny's wrestling match over Shirley.
• In the first season, Alan is punched in the face defending Tara from a man who can't take no for an answer. His response? He pays off a bunch of "big people" to start a bar brawl. Watch the madness here.
• WAR! HUH! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?!

Malcolm: This is why I went to law school.

• Alan Shore to an odious, faux-folksy Texas credit card company lawyer.

"You know, we have a little saying in Massachusetts: 'Maybe someday you'll get horribly sick and die.' Until then!"

• Denny trying to get out of a date with Bethany, a Jewish dwarf:

"That's another thing! (taps his head) Mad Cow! 's not kosher!"

• • And later he and Alan are discussing the date:

Denny: God, I hope she doesn't put a hex on me. Can they do that? Midgets?
Alan: What was she like, otherwise?
Denny: Attractive head, nice breasts, that was basically it. Breasts and a head.
Alan:: How did you leave it?
Denny: I just left. I didn't know what else to do, I just walked out!
Alan: Do you think it's possible she could've...followed you here?
Denny: I don't...think so, why?
Alan: Well...
[He looks down. Denny looks down. Bethany is standing between them, looking up at him.

• A woman Denny recently had sex with says that something is "better than sex," prompting Denny to freak out:

Denny: [taps his head with remote] Mad Cow. It hasn't progressed in my brain, but there are other symptoms. Be it blood pressure...it affects me.
Alan: [concerned] Affects you how?
[Denny gives Alan a thoughtful look, stands up, puts his hands on his desk, and leans forward]
Denny: I think I have Mad Penis.
[Alan slowly looks down toward Denny's crotch as the opening titles begin]

• Jerry Espenson singing along to the theme song, complete with clips of him dancing and Shirley's absolutely bewildered reaction interspersed with the actual credits.
• "A man's home is where his heart is. In my case, the penis." Thus spake Denny.