Blade/Funny

Blade

• Blade is transporting Karen after she had been bitten by Quinn, and as he is leaving, he is shot repeatably by two hospital security guards, leading to this quip:

Blade [after being shot]: Motherfucker! Are you out of your damn mind?

• One of Whistler's lines:

Whistler: I'm too old for this! Somebody get me a goddamn wheelchair!

• In the climax as Blade prepare to fight Frost. Quinn, one of Frost's dragons and who has at the beginning got his arm slice off, shows up

Quinn: I got two arms now Blade and I don't know which one to kill you with! (He charges...and is unceremoniously bisected into dust.)

Blade II

• This timeless gem:

Reinhardt: Hmm. Well, like my daddy said right before he killed my mom, "Want anything done right, you gotta do it yourself."

• Rush, the minor vampire from the beginning of the movie. Blade lets him go and promises to "see him later". He disappears until The Stinger, where he's entering a private room in a strip joint; the curtain pulls back to reveal Blade casually standing there. As Rush realizes how screwed he is, Blade says the line that cracks me up every time:

Blade: Oh, you didn't think I forgot about you? (stab)

• • This same vampire sees Blade in the House of Pain and freaks out.
• Earlier in the movie, Blade and the Bloodpack are scouting a vampire nightclub. Reinhardt tries to discretely aim his gun at Blade... only to find out that Blade's aiming at him already. Cue Blade's immediate grin (and an annoyed Reinhardt mouthing "Fuck you" back at him).
• One word: "Sissy!"

Blade Trinity

• Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King.
  • Particularly any of his scenes with Parker Posey. "Her fangs are in her vagina!"
  • Parker stole the Crowning Moment right out from under Reynolds with "And how about everyone not saying the word "dick" anymore? It provokes my envy."
  • "What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you in 28 days."
  • Don't forget King's time with Blade, Triple H, and H's vampire dog.

Blade: How do you finance this operation?
King: I date a lot of older men.

King: (Sees H's dog - a vampire Pomeranian) Oh fuck me. (Two big scary dogs join it) Oh fuck me sideways. Nice doggies. (Dogs reveal reaper mouths and chase him.)

HHH: Hey dickface, have you seen my dog?
King: (Who just made the dog and the two others fall out a window after they tried to eat him) Have you tried the lobby?

King: So Blade, if this works, and all the Vampires go bye-bye, whats left for you? I don't really see you teaching karate at the local gym. (Blade looks annoyed and walks away unamused.) He hates me doesn't he?

• • • Even better, King's remark about Blade hating him? It was Reynolds remarking to Biel about Snipes, who is a method actor & had been stand off-ish with both of his co-stars. The cameras picked it up, and the director thought it worked well in context of the characters & kept it in the film.
• When Blade is interrogating the police commissioner on the vampires' plans:

Commissioner: I can't tell you, they'll kill me.
Blade: They'll kill you? Motherfucker, I'll kill you! I'll just enjoy it better.

• This one scene where Blade, Hannibal and Abigail are dangling a familiar off of a multi-story car park, when someone's cellphone goes off. Blade looks around to his teammates, then down at the guy he's dangling.

Blade: Oh, it's you!

• When being interrogated:

Dr. Edgar Vance: How about the president? You know who that is. Who's in the White House right now?
Blade: An asshole.

(Keep in mind George Bush Jr was in office at the time, so...yeah)