Belisarius Series/Funny

• When Phoetius said,"It's not fair. I didn't ask to be made emperor of Rome."
• After the notorious Fake-Out Make-Out in the first book; Prince Eon jumped off Princess Shakuntala, helped her to her feet, and apologized profusely about the necessity of the indignity and so forth. Shakuntala for her part accepted the apologies and reassured Eon that she held nothing against him in terms of his gentlemanliness and so forth... but then felt obliged to add:

Shakuntala: But I must inform you, lord Prince, that one of your provinces is in revolt.

• • Ousanas didn't help readers with catching their breath, either, with his grinning follow-up to Shakuntala's comment.

Ousanas: Indeed so! Most insolent uprising! Prince do well to beat rebel down! (with a flourish) Here! Use my spear!

• There are two different scenes in which some soldiers, both times including Valentinian^[1] and Anastasius^[2], are told they'll have to "negotiate" with some pimps. The soldiers overact ludicrously as they pretend to be frightened by the mere thought of pimps. Valentinian in particular claims to shudder in fear, very deliberately shudders, and adds, "See?"
• Belisarius, in coordinating a particular battle, has to run from one side of the fortified position to another. Well, not run — he has to move as quickly as a man can when wearing the very heavy cataphract armor. His cheering troops think he's doing quite well, and one even shouts, "Goddam, that man can waddle!"

1. ↑ The deadliest swordsman, knife-fighter, archer, etc., etc., in the entire Roman army.
2. ↑ Who is quite likely the strongest man in the world, let alone Rome.