Artistic License History/Quotes

"Did that stop Abraham Lincoln when he was outnumbered by the Redcoats on the D-Day? No. And when John Paul Jones and Ringo ran out of tea in Boston, did that stop them from throwing their party? Of course not. Yes, my friends. I, like George Washington Jefferson before me, cannot tell a lie."

—Plastic Man, Batman the Brave And The Bold

"Well, for starters, Abraham Lincoln didn't write To Kill a Mockingbird..."

—Frank Heffley, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

"Since their discovery in 1895, hills have fascinated kings."

—The Classless Update, Team Fortress 2.

"The 18th century was a time of rapid innovation; in the space of a single year, the two-storey building, the stage play, America, and the rocket launcher were all invented by the same man: Shakespearicles, the strongest writer who ever lived. Despite his powerful grasp of language and the ability to bench press 700 British pounds, several inventions eluded his iron grip—most tragically among them, stairs. For the next three hundred years, people who needed to get to the second floor used the only method available to them: shooting a rocket launcher at their feet. Yes, it was ridiculous, crippling, and awful, but what are you going to do? Not go to the second floor? That’s where your bed is.
Luckily, in 1857, a young bearded inventor named President Abraham Lincoln stumbled upon the answer: stairs. Unluckily, he never grasped the full import of his own invention, and died attempting to rocket jump up the world’s first staircase in his laboratory at Ford’s Theater. Horrified by this tragedy, mankind agreed never to invent anything again, turning its many scientists and scholars to that most noble endeavor, astrology.

It would not be until 1921 when hotheaded Pisces Franklin D Roosevelt, languishing in a hospital after losing both of his legs in a rocket-jumping accident, stumbled upon Lincoln’s notes and perfected the modern staircase, freeing people from the tyranny of the second floor as Lincoln intended."

—The War update, Team Fortress 2.

"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! Sun Tzu said that, and I'd say he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it, and then he perfected it so that no living man could best him in the ring of honor. Then, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal on earth, and then he herded them onto a boat and then he beat the crap out of every single one. And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are together in one place it's called a 'zoo'... Unless it's a farm!"

—The Soldier, Team Fortress 2.