< Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking

Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking/Real Life

IMPORTANT NOTE #1: Some terminologies, such as mischief, used to be more grave in nature when they were first used. Therefore, it is important for you to know what the terms implied back when it was used.

IMPORTANT NOTE #2: This is about real persons or entities saying or using the Trope in a manifest manner. It is not about you making assumptions based on their behavior. We all are superb citizens, follow the Golden Rule and go to the restroom.

  • The UN operations in Kosovo and East Timor was described in the Brahimi Report on UN Peace Operations in 2000 thus:

"No other operations must set and enforce the law, establish customs services and regulations, set and collect business and personal taxes, attract foreign investment, adjudicate property disputes and liabilities for war damages, reconstruct and operate public utilities, create a banking system, run schools and pay teachers and collect the garbage."

  • President Barack Obama has been criticized for the heath care bill, not doing anything about the war or the recession, and that one time he squished a fly during an interview.
  • According to The Other Wiki, Jeffrey Dahmer was convicted of child molestation and murder... and of public intoxication, indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.
  • From the article on Couvade syndrome: "In more extreme cases [symptoms] can include labor pains, postpartum depression, and nosebleeds."
  • In the movie Brubaker, which was based on actual events, one convict was arrested and did jail time for armed robbery, then had a second offense for stealing cars, and in the third case, was in the county jail for drunk and disorderly, and while passed out, a toilet in the jail was shattered. The other inmates claimed he did it, so he was charged with destruction of city property worth more than $50, which made it his third felony offense, which got him life imprisonment as an habitual offender. He got short sentences for armed robbery and auto theft, but got life for destroying a toilet!
  • Another "three-strikes" case: Jerry Dewayne Williams, who had prior convictions for robbery, attempted robbery, drug possession and unauthorized use of a vehicle, received his third felony conviction for felony petty theft -- of one slice of pizza. He took it from some teenagers; he claimed he had asked for it, but they said they only gave it to him because his appearance scared them. He got 25 years for stealing something worth 60 cents -- beat that, Valjean. (On a side note, he was released after serving only six years, or one tenth of a year to a cent.)
  • In a speech at Rice University about his goals for the space program, John F. Kennedy said, "But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain. Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?"
    • This was a stroke of speech-making brilliance on Kennedy's part, what was the thing he said immediately after cracking his Rice v. Texas joke? "We choose to go to the moon!" Now everybody's familiar with the footage of Kennedy saying that with the crowd hollering and cheering, far fewer people are aware that most of the audience are actually cheering the joke he'd just cracked.
  • US Army intelligence recently released a report on how terrorists could use Twitter to coordinate their activities. Part of the report included a list of other "unsavory-types" that have used Twitter. The warning is weakened somewhat....

Twitter has also become a social activism tool for socialists, human rights groups, communists, vegetarians, anarchists, religious communities, atheists, political enthusiasts, hacktivists and others to communicate with each other and to send messages'to broader audiences.

  • Played straighter with some police districts, for a reason. Due to Samaritans interfering in their work when the district either currently is or was renowned for corruption, or has had a history of racially profiling 'perps', if they started with the lesser charges they would get belted and swarmed before apprehending the suspect. The more the police are distrusted in a particular area, the more likely they'll have to do this for their own safety.
    • Further, many arrest charges get dropped to lesser. A local sheriff's office arrests everyone who is driving with a suspended/revoked license. The result: folks arrested on possession of meth, manufacturing of meth, intent to deliver meth, and driving with a suspended license.
  • When John Lennon returned his MBE to Buckingham Palace in 1969 (six years after receiving it with the other three Beatles), he enclosed a note giving his reasons: "I am returning this MBE in protest against Britain's involvement in the Nigeria-Biafra thing, against our support of America in Vietnam, and against Cold Turkey slipping down the charts." "Cold Turkey," his most recent single, was turning in a relatively poor performance on the music charts, peaking at No. 14 in the UK and No. 30 in the U.S.
  • Plenty of examples bring some needed humor to those reality cop shows:
    • During a high-speed car chase, the passenger threw evidence out the window, and picked up a hefty littering fine for it.
    • After receiving a ticket, a motorist flipped off the officer as he drove off. He was stopped again, and given another ticket, this time for making an improper turn signal.
  • In some places "Mailing alcohol, firecrackers, gasoline, ammunition, and nail polish remover is illegal." (Nail polish remover can be highly flammable--the most common nail polish remover is a mixture of water and acetone, a powerful and non-toxic solvent which unfortunately happens to be more volatile and flammable than gasoline. But it still looks silly.)
  • Behind the scenes of the first season of Saturday Night Live, Bill Murray and Chevy Chase got into something of a verbal brawl. There's no transcript, of course, but after they were separated, Bill yells to Chevy, "Medium talent!" The bosses thought that was especially hilarious, making the decision to replace Chevy with Bill that much easier.
  • Mass murderer Brian Nichols was charged with every crime he committed during the killing spree he committed after he escaped from jail (even though conviction of the murders alone guaranteed him life in prison without parole or the death penalty if convicted). The prosecution claimed it was under the belief that he shouldn't get off on anything for the sake of convenience.
  • "My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." -Vladimir Nabokov
  • From The Bride of Anguished English, compiled by Richard Lederer: "The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector."
  • Recently, a couple in France were accused of murdering their daughter. Initially, they reported the girl as kidnapped. The list of crimes prosecutors were planning on charging them with? Manslaughter, violence against a minor, and wasting police time.
  • A t-shirt worn during the Pride parade in Stockholm, 2009, read (translated into English):

"Aspiequeer [1] transsexual homo-emotional asexual teetotal Christian hard rock fan".

  • The Cluny Abbey Foundation charter of 910 threatens anyone who messes with the place with having their name taken out of the Book of Life, getting limbs chewed off by vermin, experiencing the torments of hell while still alive (as a torture-buddy of Judas), etc. Also they've got to pay a hundred pounds of gold.
  • The list of Things Not Allowed in the BYU-Idaho dorms: "Firearms, weapons, illegal drugs, open flames, and Ouija boards."
  • Robert Ruark on the Death Glare of the Cape Buffalo:

"He looked at me as if he hated my guts. He looked as if I had despoiled his fiance, murdered his mother and burned down his house. He looked at me as if I owed him money."

  • Chicago mayor Richard J. Daley:

"They have vilified me, they have crucified me. Yes, they have even criticized me."

  • Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson was called out by critics who took offense to the fact that he voted for the Senate's Health Care Reform bill. He was accused by various opponents and pundits of accepting bribes and supporting socialism and abortion, but he was responded the most negatively when a newspaper headline criticizing him made fun of Nebraska-based company Omaha Steaks.

"I'm disappointed that this would be used, and misused in this fashion, not only derisively against a great company in Nebraska."

  • In the typical British middle school, the popular punishment for misbehaviour was "lines": the student had to copy a sentence onto a piece of paper as many times as the teacher required (the more lines given, the more it hurt the student's hand). In the rule book given to students at induction, the consequences were detailed. For instance, it was indicated that the punishment for truancy was 150 lines, and for damaging school property the punishment was 300 lines. But the punishment for chewing gum was a wrist-busting 1000 lines.
  • Just recently Manchester police admitted that their crime records had included, under the category of "Serious Violent Crime", the following four crimes: Murder, Rape, Assault occasioning Grievous Bodily Harm, Snowball fights.
  • One 1920s Louisiana clergyman:

"A modernist in government is an anarchist and Bolshevik; in science he is an evolutionist; in business he is a Communist; in art a futurist; in music his name is jazz."

Drunkards, Liars, Thieves, Sports Fans, Blasphemers, Money-Lovers, Pagans, Homosexuals, Prostitutes, Witches, Atheists, Gamblers, Porn-Lovers, Whoremongers (Pimps), Child Molesters, Evolutionists, Pot Smokers, Lesbians, Fornicators, Masturbators, Hypocrites, Psychics.

  • In an interview with the cast of Criminal Minds, Matthew Gray Gubler states that "Fire-starting, bed-wetting and killing small animals - those are all precursors that I think 98 per cent of serial killers do before the age of 15." Clearly in jest, and given what his site looks like it's likely not likely that weird for him...
  • George W. Bush critics will use several versions of this:
    • On September 11. Planned the terrorist attacks, flew out Osama Bin Laden's family on the day, and read My Pet Goat upside down.
    • Rigged the election, invaded Iraq and choked on a pretzel.
    • Ran the economy into the ground, dragged several countries into at least ten years of war in the Middle East, and fell off a segway.
    • In The View, at the start of the infamous fight between Rosie O Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Joy Behar does this twice in a row:
      • "He (George W. Bush) lied to us to get us into the war. He awarded a no-bid contract to Halliburton, Abu Ghraib. He promoted his friend Michael Brown to take care of Katrina. Heck of a job, Brownie. Remember that? He doesn't listen to the Iraq Study Group. He choked on a pretzel." And then: "He waited a week to visit New Orleans and then only to watch some jazz. He stood by Alberto Gonzales, who needs to be thrown out, we all know that, and he stood by Rumsfeld, who some people think is a war criminal. He can't pronounce the word "nuclear.""
  • So speaketh Anita Bryant: "If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nail biters."
  • Iraqi president Saddam Hussein filed a libel lawsuit in February 1997 in Paris against the magazine Le Nouvel Observateur for a September 1996 story in which Saddam was described by various Arab leaders as stupid and incompetent and specifically, among other things, as an "executioner," a "monster," a "murderer," "a perfect cretin," and a "noodle."
  • God, Man, and Yale!
  • During the 1964 Republican National Convention the folks there were awfully upset with the extremism of “ the Communist Party, the Ku Klux Klan, and the John Birch Society”.
  • In an episode of documentary/reality series LA Ink, tattooist Craig banters with an older woman getting her first tattoo (a sexy pin-up girl): "A lot of my customers, they wait a very long time before getting their first tattoo. Then it's all downhill. Yeah, then it's drugs. Street-walkin'. Gymnastics."
  • In June 2010, a man in Norway pleaded guilty on all of his 59 criminal charges. 58 counts of statutory rape (most against minors between the ages 12 and 16), and one count of driving without a license.
  • From a review about a biography of Mao: "a mesmerizing portrait of tyranny, degeneracy, mass murder and promiscuity."
  • Section 295-C of the Pakistani penal code reads:

"Use of derogatory remark etc, in respect of the Holy Prophet, whoever by words, either spoken or written, or by visible representation, or by any imputation, innuendo, or insinuation, directly or indirectly, defiles the sacred name of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) shall be punished with death, or imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable for fine."

  • From an article about increasing violence in Mexico:

"Experts say the federal government's crackdown on drug traffickers has prompted organized crime leaders to branch out into an array of other illegal activities, including kidnapping, extortion and selling pirated goods."

  • In the New Rules segment, of Real Time with Bill Maher, Bill Maher talks about how Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church called him a "CHRIST-HATING HALF JEW, HALF PEDOPHILE RAPE-ENABLING CATHOLIC" in a flier.

Bill Maher: To which I say, how dare you call me Catholic.

    • Later in the same segment,

Bill Maher: They accuse me of using mockery, thinly veiled as thoughtful dialog. [beat] So at least they watch the show.

  • Russell Williams, a Canadian colonel, was sentenced to life for multiple murders, rape, burglaries, and (probably only mentioned on HLN) stealing women's lingerie.
  • The website foodinsurance.com (as supported by Glenn Beck) sells kits which include supplies of food and other essentials for in case of emergencies. The possible disasters listed on the site are hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, power outages, severe winter storms, pandemics, terrorism, and unemployment.
  • The warning for Google Maps Navigation on Android phones currently contains this: "... and directions may be wrong, dangerous, prohibited or involve ferries". Thanks for the heads-up, Google!
  • When Voltaire had a falling out with Frederick II of Prussia, he wrote that he was, "a nasty monkey, perfidious friend, [and] wretched poet."
  • BBC 3 are currently running a set of one hour documentaries called 'Born Survivors'. The advert for the upcoming programs show us a young man suffering from Treacher-Collins syndrome, a condition that severely disfigures the face and effects his hearing, a young soldier who had both his legs and his hand blown off while at war, and.. a girl with dyslexia.
  • The Primorsky Partisans, a group of Russian freedom fighters/domestic terrorists (Your Mileage May Vary), became vigilantes in response alleged police malpractice. In a video statement, they accused the police of being gangsters, adding, "You provide cover for drug-trafficking, prostitution and the theft of wood from our forests" (as reported here).
  • Sludge metal band Adolf Satan is described by Wikipedia as "a mixture of sludge metal, doom metal, grindcore, and Southern rock."
  • The Other Wiki's page on buzz words says that some of the common misuses of buzz words include thought-control, perjury, and...disguising idle chit-chat as important discussion.
  • It also says that the Greek goddess Hecate was associated with magic, witchcraft, necromancy, and... crossroads.
    • Crossroads were considered naturally "uncanny" places because they were a junction of one thing and another (or something like that). Considering them haunted fit the worldview of the time.
  • Google Chrome's Incognito homepage:
    • Going incognito doesn't affect the behavior of other people, servers, or software. Be wary of:
      • Websites that collect or share information about you
      • Internet service providers or employers that track the pages you visit
      • Malicious software that tracks your keystrokes in exchange for free smileys
      • Surveillance by secret agents
      • People standing behind you
  • New research into the recent Discovery of the literal biological clock Could lead to treatments for Cancer, Diabetes, Bi-Polar Disorder.. And Jet-Lag.
  • The Gilman nightclub in Berkeley, California will not book or support bands that are racist, misogynistic, homophobic, or signed to a major label.
  • Probably unintentional, but it certainly comes off as one: Mom Kills Son for Potty Training Accident, Then Eats Pizza
  • This sign from a restaurant, as seen on Fail Blog: "Drugs. Racism. Outside Food. Just some of the things we are strongly against."
  • In a protest against the mistreatment of performing circus animals, one animal-welfare activist lamented how animals are kept in cramped cages for prolonged periods, left without food or water, and "made to wear stupid costumes". Uncomfortable costumes, now, that would be a reasonable objection, but since when are animals able to judge how stupid the audience thinks a costume is?
  • A tenured professor can be fired for rape, murder, or plagiarism. Justified since, from science's point of view, the last one is the only one of concern, and universities generally take plagiarism very, very seriously.
  • A recent severe weather update on weather.com listed Severe Thunderstorm Warning, River Flood Warning, Flash Flood Warning, Tornado Warning, and High Pollen Count.
    • High Pollen Count can be extremely unpleasant, sometimes dangerous and in very rare cases even fatal to allergic people.
  • One Russian general used this deliberately as a disciplinary technique. When there was an officer he suspected of corruption he would wait until he committed a minor error on the drill ground-and then instantly ruin the officer's career thus shocking the army with his Zeus-like arbitrariness. In reality, of course, it was for the earlier offenses which the general couldn't quite prove, but which certainly would deserve such a punishment if true.
    • This was also attributed to the Grand Duke Konstantin, the ruler of Duchy of Warsaw. Furthermore, aforementioned practice was also used for 'keeping face'. The officer was considered to commit suicide due to some minor infraction and not the more serious crime, so the morale in his unit was not overly damaged, his superiors were not questioned, his widow could get a pension etc.
  • Bills banning bestiality, baggy pants pass in Florida
  • A news report stated a biology teacher in Florida was arrested for giving private lessons to one of her students, in which she was arrested because she was having sex with a 17-year old student (the age of consent there is 16 but if you're one of their teachers it's 18) and sharing beer with him, being partially nude in the car, and was ticketed for being illegally parked in a handicapped space.
  • According to Chris, [Fall Out Boy singer Peter Wenz] then stole Chris's girlfriend, betrayed his fans, broke edge and wore a dinosaur t-shirt.
  • From the article "Three Nice Things We Can Say About Mosquitoes", science writer David Quammen said:

"They have a lot to answer for: malaria, yellow fever, dengue, encephalitis, filariasis, and the ominous tiny whine that begins homing around your ear just after you've gotten comfortable in the sleeping bag."

  • "GOP lawmaker gets drunk, steals truck, wrecks it, then takes nap"
  • When they finish fishing up the bodies, Anders Breivik will probably be facing charges of mass murder, terrorism and impersonating a police officer.
  • A New York Times Magazine article on the 750th anniversary of Magna Carta in 1965 wrote with a straight face: "King John was infamous for his cruelty and treachery. He was also known for avarice, gluttony, lechery, sloth, and book collecting."
  • In Argentina, the TV news station "Cronica TV" has become notorious for their bizarre and sometimes downright hilarious headlines, some of which, fall directly under this trope: "They broke in, savagely beat an elderly woman, and ate her pie." and "Five felons broke into a home to steal. They drinked the scotch."
  • As of 2008, activists were increasingly taking protests to the homes of researchers, staging "home demonstrations," which can involve making noise during the night, writing slogans on the researchers' property, smashing windows, and spreading rumours to neighbours- from Animal Liberation Front's Wikipedia page.
  • Cracked.com once listed the symptoms of lead poisoning as being: "brain damage, wrecking the nervous system, headaches, loss of appetite, anemia, a constant metallic taste in the mouth, paralysis, insomnia, and, oddly enough, a limp wrist."
  • The way this article presents itself means the last charge should not be taken seriously:

"Nevin Shapiro, currently incarcerated for his role in a $930 million Ponzi scheme, said the benefits included cash, prostitutes, entertainment, trips, jewelry, bounties for on-field play and, on one occasion, even an abortion."

  • An amusing accidental example by Pat Robertson, who really did see all these things as equally evil:

"Feminism is a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

  • Or the Hamas, being a terrorist organisation, who murders people, spreads hate and... Beat ... Uses pirate copies of Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny!
  • Michael Moore in a recent interview with the Guardian recalls the backlash after the release of Fahrenheit 9/11 ' 'he's a liar, a conspiracy nut and a croissant-eater' '.
  • Quoth a Human Events article about the TSA: "They’ve been accused of rampant thievery, spending billions of dollars like drunken sailors, groping children and little old ladies, and making everyone take off their shoes."
  • Speaking of the TSA, on Thanksgiving weekend 2002, a year after the 9/11 attacks, airport personal reported seizing 15,982 pocket knives, 98 box cutters, six guns… and a brick.
  • Saw this on the local news: "Still on the loose are a Mountain Lion, a Grizzly Bear and a Monkey."
  • A blogger criticizing global warming advocates pointed out that the Earth has survived "collisions with huge chunks of rock from outer space, regular volcanic eruptions and Earth Day concerts."
  • A recent news story reported that Anonymous spammed thousands of Facebook users with "images of everything from besitaliality to graphic violence and dead babies to Justin Bieber ".
    • Similarly, when responding to investigations into their members by Aaron Barr, they took down his security firm's website, deleted their back-ups, changed all their passwords, and... wiped the data off Barr's iPad.
  • This. In case it comes down -- or you don't feel like clicking -- it's an OWS protester with a sign that reads: "Close Corporate Tax Loopholes, Tax Religious Groups, End The Wars, Legalize Weed, And Bring Back Arrested Development."
  • A newspaper headline as reported on the Criggo blog: "Couple charged with public lewdness, overdue library books."
  • Someone once sued over the conception of the iPod. The defendants? Steve Jobs, Apple... and Sarah Jessica Parker.
  • An article in a South African newspaper (read out on The News Quiz) describes a man attempting to rob a bank by using puff adders as a weapon. He was arrested for "Attempted murder, extortion, intimidation, and contravening the Nature Preservation Act."
  • Former Houston city council member Ben Reyes was arrested by the FBI for taking bribes, improperly ordering the destruction of "crack houses," and... stealing a magnolia tree?!
  • George Carlin:

War, disease, death, destruction, Hunger, Filth, Poverty, Torture, Crime, Corruption and the Ice capades

  • A local taco place, Genkiyaki, advertises an extremely hot taco (it is, indeed, ridiculously spicy. Though they have an even spicier one now). The sign features a warning that eating it "may cause you to see into the future, curl up in the corner and weep like a baby, feel all human emotions at the same time, develop a 6th sense, falcon punch the owner, grow some chest hair, buy a large drink, GET WTFPWNED".
  • Emma Goldman was one of the most wanted women in the US turn of the 20th century. She's often cited as being wanted for anarchsim, free love, and... birth control.
  • The late, great World Chess Champion, Mikhail Tal, played with this trope in a hilarious bit of self-description:

"I drink, I smoke, I chase pretty girls. But postal chess is one vice I do not have."

  • From an article on Cracked.com, here's the grandson of baseball player Walter Johnson criticising his statue. "He looks awkward. His delivery point is all wrong, his legs are too stiff, the 'W' on his uniform is too big."
  • This bizarre anecdote from (The Customer is) Not Always Right has a Native Canadian lamenting about how the white people had invaded his land, forced his people to reservations and not giving him a cheaper pizza.
  • Hitler was possibly the most evil man in history, in terms of, well, everything he did and said. He was also a sub-standard landscape painter and a really, really boring writer. Made worse by the fact that practically every German home had a least one copy of his magnum opus, 'Mein Kampf'. Barely anyone bothered to read it and they few who did didn't take it seriously.
  • This.
  • The States that allow gay marriage in the united states are: Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, New York, Connecticut, and... Iowa.
  • In another case of The Other Wiki possibly unintentionally invoking this trope, the article on the Pitcairn Island sexual assault trial details all the occasions where islanders had sought assistance from the British judicial system regarding various criminal acts, namely adultery, abortion, kleptomania, attempted murder...and the theft of women's underwear.
  • A Canadian man dismembered a person's body, posted the video of it online, and mailed a foot and hand respectively to the Conservative and Liberal party headquarters. The warrant for his arrest listed:
    • Committing an indignity to a dead body
    • Publishing an obscene thing
    • Mailing obscene matter
    • Criminally harassing (Prime Minister) Harper and other members of Parliament
    • Subsequently, an angry news reader wants to tack on the horrible crime of him being a YouTube video thief.
  • At one time when the British were retreating during the Peninsular Campaign a parcel of straggling camp followers happened to be caught by the French who gang raped them and then took their shoes. When they got back to their own team, the redcoats were more angry about the shoes then about the rape. This sounds odd until one thinks about what it would be like trying to catch up to a retreating army while walking barefoot on the ill-tended Spanish roads of the time.
  • Due to heavy media coverage (and thus video evidence of everything) Ryan Stone, the meth fueled "GTA Bandit", was charged for everything he did during his several hour crime spree. He was charged with attempted murder, first degree assault, two counts of robbery, attempted robbery, three counts of motor vehicle theft, second degree kidnapping, two counts of child abuse [2], vehicular assault, six counts of leaving the scene of an accident and one count of criminal mischief. Attempted murder was downgraded to an attempted manslaughter conviction, found not guilty of kidnapping and attempted robbery but convicted on everything else. Thanks to his demonstration of non-remorse by bragging about the international coverage on a recorded jail house visitation phone, he was sentenced to 160 years in prison, though if he lives to 90+, he'll be eligible for parole in 2085.
  1. ↑ I.e., gender-blind due to Asperger's syndrome
  2. ↑ the first car he stole had a 4 year old in it, a major factor in why the chase lasted so long
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