Refrigerator mother

Refrigerator mothers are cold unloving parents who traumatize their children and give them autism (if you live in the 20th century and don't understand the first thing of psychology, at least). Bad parenting is a discredited cause of autism, as autism is now understood to be inborn[1] and predominantly genetic.[2]

However, reactive attachment disorder in children, which can resemble autism, may be caused by unloving parents (though it has other potential causes too).[3][4]

History

Usage
“”The difference between the plight of prisoners in a concentration camp and the conditions which lead to autism and schizophrenia in children is, of course, that the child has never had a previous chance to develop much of a personality.
—Bruno Bettleheim, failing Godwin's law and embarrassing science in a single sentence[5] (To be fair, though, he was a Holocaust survivor[6])

Leo Kanner blamed parents for autism as early as 1943, claiming that autism was caused by a "genuine lack of maternal warmth."[5] He concluded that mothers just needed to be more affectionate (which, considering that many autistic kids don't like people getting in their face, wasn't the most ideal conclusion).

Charlatan Bruno BettleheimFile:Wikipedia's W.svg popularized the refrigerator mother theory in the 1950s and 1960s.[5] His book The Empty Fortress: Infantile Autism and the Birth of the Self introduced the idea of the refrigerator mother (and plenty of other autism-related nonsense) to the general population.[7] Ironically but tragically, Bettleheim treated his autistic students far worse than he claimed parents did.[8] "I often saw Bettleheim drag children across the floor by their hair and kick them. He even hit autistic children who couldn't speak clearly," said a former student.[9]

Fall from popularity

Bernard Rimland, a psychologist with an autistic son and the founder of the Autism Research Institute, criticized the idea of the refrigerator mother in 1964.[5] By the 1970s, the idea fell from popularity.[7] In 1969, Kanner said "I officially acquit you people as parents" in a speech.[6]

“”But a lot of parents still think that it must be their fault somehow. They have heard that the parents of autistic children do not express love adequately, so they bend over backwards to be loving. What they get for their trouble is even more bizarre behavior — the child smears his feces on the walls, bites his parents, and has violent tantrums… You have a person in the physical sense — they have hair, a nose and a mouth — but they are not people in the psychological sense.
—Ole Ivar Lovaas,[10] torturer therapist of autistic children

Ole Ivar Lovaas, who popularized applied behavior analysis, shifted the blame from parents to children. In a Life Magazine article on Lovaas, autistic kids were described as "utterly withdrawn children whose minds are sealed against all human contact and whose uncontrolled madness had turned their homes into hells."[11] Lovaas pitied parents for being saddled with children he viewed as horrible creatures, and he tried to train autistic kids to act normal by hitting them, screaming in their faces, and administering painful electric shocks.

While calling autistic children inhuman is mostly frowned upon today, the stigma remains, and autistic children may be demonized while their parents receive sympathy for putting up with them.[12][13][14] This tactic is popular in organizations like Autism Speaks.

Distortions

Blaming the parent has taken on new forms: blaming the parent for vaccinating their kids, and blaming them for not "curing" the autism through either quack treatments or extensive behavior modification.[5]

The autism "warrior parent" is "not so much the polar opposite of the 'refrigerator mother' as a distorted mirror image. The 'warrior mom' is yet another reflection of the culture of mother-blaming and a manifestation of the burden of guilt carried by parents as a result of the influence of pseudoscientific speculations about the causes of autism," writes Dr. Michael Fitzpatrick.[15] These parents shoulder the responsibility of changing the child's autism,[16] subjecting the child to all types of invasive and painful procedures in order to "cure" them.

Then we have some people who believe that a kind and respectful parenting style causes autism, and that autistic kids just need to have the autism spanked out of them in order to be "cured."[17][18]

Costs
“”Psychological damage may also occur, both to wrongfully guilt-ridden parents and to people with autism, who get the message that they are "sick" or even, since some extreme therapies carry fatal risks, that having autism is a fate worse than death. The extreme focus on child saving also contributes to a lack of services for autistic adults: if you believe your child can and should be cured, that becomes the goal rather than fighting for inclusion, services, and support in partnership with disabled adults.
—Mitzi M. Waltz, PhD[16]

The culture of blame can have terrible consequences:

  • Parents feel ashamed of their autistic children, and may even avoid socializing opportunities (for parent and child) for fear of judgment.
  • Parents, especially mothers, may feel pressured to become "warrior parents" or "super moms" instead of just relaxing and having fun with their kids.
  • Parents may subject their kids to useless or dangerous pseudoscientific "treatments".
  • Autistic kids might think something is "wrong" with them, instead of learning to accept themselves.
  • The idea that autism is curable could result in poor services for autistic adults.

Ending stigma
“”The autism I know is not a tragedy… As so many of us have said so many times, society needs to stop pathologizing our autistic children and figure out how to support them so their gifts can shine. Then we parents can stop answering such questions as "How much did you beat yourself up?"
—Barb Cohen, mother[19]

Autistic advocates and their loved ones have pointed out that ending the stigma surrounding autism may be the best way to finally put narratives of blame to rest and help parents let go of unnecessary guilt.[15]

Reasons

Possible reasons

There are several reasons people may have mistaken mothers of autistic kids for bad parents.

  • Autistic and non-autistic body language are different from each other,[20] and autistics and non-autistics tend to have a hard time understanding each other. Thus, non-autistic parents might find it harder to bond and relate to a child who is so different from them, especially if the child is young so they don't have much practice yet.
  • The mothers might have noticed that their kids didn't like certain types of affection. (Autistics can get overwhelmed easily,[21] and may appreciate extra personal space.[22]) Thus, not kissing them or getting in their faces can be good parenting if it helps your child feel comfortable around you.[23]
  • The mothers may have been autistic themselves, thus seeming "cold" to non-autistic people.

Real-life examples

Some autistic kids, just like non-autistic kids, have the misfortune of being born to terrible parents. Kinder parents tend to have better-behaved autistic kids,[24] but that doesn't change whether the kids are autistic.

Unfortunately, autistic kids are at higher risk for abuse victimization.[25][26] And some Autism Speaks and pseudoscience supporters seem to be trying their hardest to prove the refrigerator mother theory correct when they force their kids to drink bleach or say downright terrible things about autism.

Nevertheless, that doesn't mean that bad parenting caused the autism. Parents have no control over whether their child is autistic.

gollark: Besides, it can't be undetectably corrupted due to the uncountably infinite redundancy and unchangeable memory cells.
gollark: We immanentized all eschatons simultaneously millenia ago, it wasn't very interesting.
gollark: It does not, in fact, ever experience data loss, due to our uncountably infinite redundancy policy and utterly unchanging memory cell™ technology.
gollark: This cannot happen. Our storage is very good.
gollark: However, they effectively cannot die since we can just reinstantiate archived Olivias as needed.

References
  1. Docs: Autism Starts in the 2nd Trimester of Pregnancy
  2. Autism mostly caused by genetics, study finds — Disability Scoop
  3. From Disorders of Affect to Mindblindness: Framing the History of Autism Spectrum Disorders (search "reactive attachment" for the relevant paragraph)
  4. DSM-5 Criteria for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) The California Evidence-Based Clearinghouse for Child Welfare
  5. The "Refrigerator Mother" Hypothesis of Autism - Autism Watch
  6. Psychologists Once Blamed ‘Refrigerator Moms' For Their Kids' Autism - History.com
  7. Why "Refrigerator" Mothers Were Blamed For Autism - Very Well Health
  8. In the Case of Bruno Bettelheim - Leader U
  9. The Other Dr. Bettleheim - Washington Post
  10. O. Ivar Lovaas Interview With Paul Chance
  11. Screams, Slaps & Love (1965)
  12. "Suffering" parents and dehumanizing people on the spectrum - Learn From Autistics
  13. The dehumanization specialists - Michelle Dawson
  14. Autistic people are not tragedies. My life has value and joy - Sarah Kurchak
  15. Autism and Mother-Blame — Thinking Person's Guide to Autism
  16. Mothers and Autism: The Evolution of a Discourse of Blame
  17. When People Think You Can ‘Spank The Autism’ Out Of A Child - Kerry Magro
  18. Trump’s new appointee: “I’ve got a cure for mental health – spank your children more” - ASAN
  19. "Refrigerator Mothering" Is Dead but the Blame Game Lives On - Psychology Today
  20. How to Interpret Autistic Body Language - wikiHow
  21. Autistic behavior makes perfect sense - Neurodevelopment Center
  22. Personal space regulation in childhood autism spectrum disorders.
  23. Why Your Autistic Loved One Turns Away - Autistic Dreams
  24. Symptoms and Behavior Problems of Adolescents and Adults with Autism: Effects of Mother–Child Relationship Quality, Warmth, and Praise
  25. Child maltreatment in autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability: results from a population-based sample.
  26. Girls with autism at high risk of sexual abuse, large study says
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