RE²AL WATER

Real Water® is another marketing ploy designed to separate customers from their cash by peddling what comes out of a domestic tap for a less than 1¢ a gallon[note 1] as a physically altered (and improved) premium product costing about $9 a gallon[2] — over 1000 times more expensive.

Concentrated water! Just add, er… water.
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The claims

Real Water claims that the water that is delivered to your house is "damaged" by being "stripped of electrons(-)" as it travels "through pipes, filtration systems, and various devices". This makes the water no longer water since atoms won't bond into molecules without electrons "positive(+) ionized" and "very acidic". The details of how exactly this works is left to the readers' imaginations, and even if plumbing somehow acidifies the water, there is no explanation why one should be concerned about the water especially when it's going to enter highly acidic stomach acid anyway after one consumes it.

What it is

Real Water is filtered and sterilized municipal water with the addition of "potassium and magnesium".[note 2] The patented "E2 electron energized technology" process is claimed to add "hundreds of millions of free electrons" to "unclump" the water and give it an alkaline pH. This causes chemists and physicists to clutch their hearts.

Real Water Concentrate

No, it's not a joke. Real Water® is available as a concentrate.[3]

A 4 oz (or 120 ml) bottle of "concentrated" Real Water is claimed to treat more than 7 gallons,[note 3] a dilution rate of 1:240.

Real Plant Water

If you are feeling particularly gullible you can splash out on bottles of Real Water to water your garden.[note 4] The website claims:[4]

“”Real Plant Maximizer is a super growth enhancer. Like Real Water (tm) it contains negatively ionized water that enhances the absorption through the cell walls. Typically you can expect upt[sic] to 30% faster plant growth and up to 20% larger fruit yeild.[sic]

And this all for the bargain price of $39.95 a quart. Now, how far is a quart of water going to go in your garden?

The science behind Real Water

We're waiting…

gollark: I mean, they do, but not full-color ones, just ASCII art.
gollark: Oh yes, it is horribly bloated, just not to the extent that things randomly ship pictures of Guy Fieri.
gollark: <@!336962240848855040> The <https://medium.com/s/silicon-satire/i-peeked-into-my-node-modules-directory-and-you-wont-believe-what-happened-next-b89f63d21558> thing is satire. Probably.
gollark: Well, no, it doesn't, because it's (in the browser, where it's meant to work* globally available.
gollark: RSS feeds don't technically contain images/files, just URLs which might point to some.

See also

Official & affiliated sites

Notes
  1. The largest monthly bill for family of four using 50 gallons per person per day (4 × 30 × 50 = 6000 gal.) is $44 which equates to 0.7¢ per gallon.[1]
  2. As potassium metal reacts violently with water (as does magnesium) the additives are likely salts such as potassium chloride, potassium carbonate, potassium bicarbonate, or magnesium chloride.
  3. Dosage rate is 1 ml per 8 oz glass of water. So 120 ml would treat 120 × 8 oz = 60 pints = 7½ gallons.
  4. This puts them into direct competition with Brawndo, which has electrolytes — it's what plants crave!

References
  1. Circle of Blue's urban water pricing survey (archived from November 27, 2011).
  2. Real Water sales site: 12 litres (3 gallons) for $28.00
  3. Real Water Concentrate sales pageimg
  4. http://affinitywater.com/product.php?productid=26img
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