Larry Craig

Larry "Wide Stance" Craig was a Republican Senator from Council, Idaho who is not gay and never has been gay. He is best known for his hardcore theocratic bent and for pleading guilty to "lewd conduct" in an airport restroom.[1][2] He is totally not gay.

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Community Life Amendment

On June 15, 1989, Craig co-sponsored the Community Life Amendment in the US Senate which would amend the constitution to "allow voluntary prayer and the teaching of the Judeo-Christian ethic in public schools."[3]

The amendment had four wide-reaching prongs:

“”

SECTION 1. The right of the people to allow voluntary prayer and the teaching of the Judeo-Christian ethic in public schools shall not be denied or abridged by the United States.

SECTION 2. For the purpose of section 1, the term 'teaching of the Judeo-Christian ethic' shall include the Ten Commandments and the creation of the earth as accepted in Judeo-Christian tradition.

SECTION 3. Section 1 shall not force the people to enact any statute against their will.

SECTION 4. Nothing in this Amendment shall constitute the establishment of a religion, nor shall this Amendment permit any governmental or administrative authority to prescribe the form or content of any voluntary prayer.[3]

He is not gay.

Lewd conduct
Mug shot after Arrest in June of 2007. Does this look like a gay man to you?

On August 8 of 2007 Craig plead guilty to disorderly conduct charges. Craig was arrested June 11 by a plainclothes officer investigating complaints of lewd conduct in a men's restroom at the airport. [2] Not gay.

He has attempted several methods to try and "make it go away" including filing to withdraw his guilty plea[4] and failing at both the Minnesota district court[5] and Minnesota appellate court[6] also resulting in four more gay men independently coming forward with allegations of previous encounters with him[7]. Now, he is claiming various forms of confusion and stupidity as a retroactive defense against his plea. He also said that he would never trawl for men in Boise. Why bust on Boise, dude? One is left to wonder why he didn't simply beat the rap, if it was so insubstantial. Especially as he isn't gay.

Too much information

Senator Craig alleges, in his recent attempts to minimize the exposure of the errors of his ways, that when using the toilet in a sitting position, he takes a very "wide stance."[8] Eeeew. (Even for an instant cliche.)

Apparently he also does not flush or wash his hands (as a gay man always would), either, perhaps because the police officer had, by then, placed him neatly into a pair of handcuffs.

Still not gay

And never has been gay.[9]

Jokes
  • Larry Craig, due to his exploits, was inducted into the Hall of Fame. Not the entire hall, just the bathroom. The non-gay one.[citation NOT needed]
  • "Senator Craig defiantly vowed today to serve out his term. And when Larry Craig makes a vow, you know he means it. Okay, except for the marriage vow." -- Jay Leno
  • "Senator Craig from Idaho is blaming the media for his guilty plea, especially that cute guy from the Associated Press." -- David Letterman
  • "It's kind of ironic. The whole time he was copping a feel, he was actually feeling a cop." -- Jay Leno

And more...

gollark: I guess he decided "computers can cause TPS lag?! I am the only one who discovered this and must keep it secret for the good of everyone".
gollark: Wait. He said "bring down servers" so no...
gollark: Or just "he decided there's a balance issue and refuses to explain that".
gollark: If there's a reason, and it's not security, and he refuses to explain it, that is stupid™.
gollark: That shouldn't null pointer exception though.

See also

References
  1. Thank those who kept Idaho part of round Earth Jim Fisher January 9, 2006 Lewiston Morning Tribune
  2. Sen. Larry Craig Denies Wrongdoing, Leaves Romney Campaign After June Arrest Fox News Monday, August 27, 2007
  3. Text of the Community Life Amendment from THOMAS
  4. Craig files papers to withdraw guilty plea in sex sting
  5. State of Minnesota v Larry Edwin Craig
  6. Sen. Craig loses appeal in airport sex sting case
  7. More gay men describe sexual encounters with U.S. Sen. Craig – this is obvious nonsense, as he isn't gay.
  8. Craig: I did nothing 'inappropriate' in airport bathroom
  9. Craig: I'm Not Gay, Did Nothing Wrong
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