Kevin Swanson

Kevin Swanson is a minor character on Family Guy fundamentalist Christian, Religious Right wingnut who also also hosts a radio show called "Generations with Vision."[1] He's a bigoted, homophobic, sexist, Islamophobic[2], classist[3] grade-A asshole who thinks that gays and readers of Harry Potter[4] should get the death penalty.[2] You read that right. Like all other members of the Religious Right, he has a tenuous grasp of American history and foreign affairs and a raging hard-on for "the good ol' days." What sets him apart are his bizarre conspiracy theories involving demons and ridiculous "scapegoats" for current events supposedly caused by divine wrath.

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Shit he's said

Colorado wildfires caused by gays, fashion

During the Colorado wildfires, Kevin Swanson and his buddy, Dave Buehner, wondered why their God was punishing Colorado with wildfires, particularly the more conservative areas of the state (where the kind of people who take him seriously are more likely to live). Instead of putting two and two together and concluding that God must be punishing them for their bigotry or, better yet, realizing that forest fires are a completely natural event that favor drier and hotter regions and have nothing to do with the religious affiliation of the people they put in harm's way, Swanson and Buehner pushed the blame back onto gay people, women in "masculine" clothing, abortion, and a photograph in the Denver Post of State House Majority Leader Mark Ferrandino kissing his partner, adding, "Judgement begins in the House of God."[5][6]

Swanson also claims that gays love each other the way “cannibals love their victims.”[4] God hates men who do "the metrosexual thing with the skinny pants and the little fairy shoes" because "God ... hates it when men are not manly in their approach."[5] "God does not want men to be androgynous and feminine like in their approach," he said. "He gave them facial hair for a reason."[6]

Colorado flooding caused by everything except the weather

During the Colorado flooding, however, Swanson decided that it was all the fault of gays, the legalization of pot and pro-choice advocates. His exact wording, as you might guess, was a tad less subtle than that:

“”So here we have the very worst year in Colorado’s year in terms of let’s kill as many babies as possible, let’s make sure we encourage as much decadent homosexual activity as possible, let’s break God’s law with impudence at every single level, at every single level let’s make sure that we offend whoever wrote the Bible, so we have the worst year possible politically in the state of Colorado and it happens to be the worst year ever in terms of flood and fire damage in Colorado’s history. That is a weird coincidence; interesting to say the least.[7]

God hates boobs

Once when Swanson was on an airplane flight, he was struggling with sexual temptation horrified that "every form of aberrant sexuality and women’s breasts [were] shown in front of me almost nonstop for fourteen hours."[6] Similar to other "media watchdogs", Swanson is apparently incapable of changing channels or simply turning the damn screen off.

On Star Trek: Into Darkness

Swanson criticized the film Star Trek: Into Darkness for promoting bestiality by showing "the good guy in the film as mating with the wrong species." He suggested this was due to the fact that "evolution has no basic problem with bestiality or cross-species mating."[8]

On Shezow

When a show called Shezow, about a boy who dresses up as a female superhero (Shezow) to fight evil, was revealed on The Hub Network, it instantly attracted the ire of many conservatives, including Kevin Swanson, who concluded that it was anti-Christian propaganda.[8]

On demonic possession

Swanson claims Mark Twain was possessed by demons - as was Karl Marx, Friedrich Nietzsche and Jean-Jacques Rousseau, apparently. And although Charles Darwin apparently wasn't, he suffered from multiple forms of insanity and was a root cause behind the usual excuses for Godwinning an argument.[9]

On proper etiquette during gay marriages

He thinks that it's perfectly okay to attend a same-sex wedding, but only if you hold up a sign calling for the couple to be put to death due to his literal reading of Leviticus 20:13.[10]

On the Girl Scouts of America

They're obviously evil, because Lesbian Planned Parenthood Abortion Cooties.[11] Oh, and Thin Mints. Let's not forget those.

On a possible woman US president

Swanson claims “feminism’s greatest victory” will supplant men. “If they can achieve the ultimate zenith of power, this will become the final chapter, in a sense, of the present war that feminists have waged over this nation,”[4]

On authors of classic works of literature

In his upcoming book (subtly titled Apostasy), Swanson lays into William Shakespeare for - get this - planting "seedbeds for homosexual themes and homosexual behavior" in his plays. He also laid into Nathaniel Hawthorne for daring to suggest that the Puritans weren't all that.[12] An online ad for the book shows Swanson pretending he's in prison in Colorado for quoting Leviticus (again), which means that yet another figure on the religious right is recycling the meme that bellowing homophobic drivel speaking out against the "homosexual lifestyle" will get them thrown in jail.

On figures of American historical importance

Swanson managed to convince himself (with the help of Neo-Confederate ideologue Walter Kennedy) that Abraham Lincoln introduced Marxism and Communism to America, not as mere political ideologies (which would have been incredibly unlikely in the first place) but as - wait for it - actual governmental policies that are still in force today.[13]

Adventures in ecumenical outreach

His typically rational response to the acceptance of same-sex marriages by the Presbyterian Church (USA) was to call them all sorts of fun things in response.[14]

On the Orlando massacre

His immediate response was a typical blend of victim-blaming and suspect theological argument.[15] A few days later, he used a similarly bizarre line of theological argument and asserted that both gays and Muslims were equally prone to violence; hence the shooting.[16]

On The Shape of Water

He claimed that God might destroy the US over the film for bestiality, and that it represents the end of civilization, citing Leviticus 18:23-29.[17]

Conclusion

Swanson apparently wants to be the next Bryan Fischer, which is a nice way of saying that he's out to say as many utterly deranged things as quickly as possible. He seems to be succeeding admirably.

gollark: No, it's correct for INDIVIDUAL CHARACTERS.
gollark: Although rust chars are u32 because Rust is correct.
gollark: (in preparation for eventually implementing non-movement things)
gollark: I mean, I don't know if bincode is smart enough to pack them that way, but it would be two bytes at most if I have something like```rustenum Action { Move(Direction)}enum Direction { Up, Down, Left, Right}```
gollark: Precisely.

References
  1. Generations with Vision, Main page
  2. Right Wing Watch, Swanson Defends Uganda's Anti-Homosexuality Bill, Lauds Country as Model
  3. Right Wing Watch, Swanson Explains the 'Perfect Correlation' Between 'Faithfulness to God's Word' and National Wealth
  4. Christian Pastor: A Clinton Presidency Is the “Final Chapter” of Feminists’ War Against America
  5. Joe. My. God., Gays Caused The Colorado Wildfires
  6. Right Wing Watch, Swanson Links Gay Kiss and Women Wearing Hats and Pants to Colorado Forest Fires
  7. Kevin Swanson Blames Colorado Floods On 'Decadent Homosexual Activity,' Marijuana And Abortion Rights, Right Wing Watch
  8. Right Wing Watch, Swanson: Star Trek Promotes Bestiality, Children's Show Superhero 'Probably Fighting Christians'
  9. Swanson: Mark Twain Was 'Demon-Possessed', Right Wing Watch
  10. Swanson: Tell Gay Couples To Die On Their Wedding Day, Right Wing Watch
  11. Colorado pastor says Girl Scouts promote lesbianism, TheDenverChannel.com
  12. Kevin Swanson 'Goes To Jail' But Will Never Stop Exposing Shakespeare For Ruining America With His Homosexuality, Right Wing Watch
  13. Kevin Swanson: Red Tyrant Abraham Lincoln Introduced Communism To America, Right Wing Watch
  14. Kevin Swanson Attacks 'Satanic,' 'Antichrist' Presbyterians For Approving Marriage Equality, Right Wing Watch
  15. Christian Pastor: The Orlando Nightclub Massacre Occurred Because God Gave Up on the Gay Victims
  16. Kevin Swanson: God Let Orlando Massacre Happen Because The Sins Of Homosexuality And Islam Lead To Murder, Right Wing Watch
  17. Kevin Swanson Warns That God May Destroy America Over ‘The Shape Of Water’, Right Wing Watch
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