John Edward

John Edward is a hack mentalist who pretends to talk to the dead. He was named "Biggest Douche in the Universe" by the prestigious celebrity auditing firm of Parker and Stone.

Not to be confused with the former senator from North Carolina, John EdwardsFile:Wikipedia's W.svg.
Putting the psycho in
Parapsychology
Men who stare at goats
By the powers of tinfoil
v - t - e

Techniques

Edward uses a combination of cold reading and plain old subterfuge. Each 22-minute episode is, in reality, condensed from a 3-4 hour "session," thus eliminating the hours on end where Edward doesn't have a clue and is obviously guessing. In addition, Edward is known for placing "plants" in the audience who, during the 30-60 minute delay between seating and Edward's appearance, will speak with real audience members about who they're trying to contact, then surreptitiously relay that information back to Edward's producers. Edward studiously prefaces his statements with weasel phrases, such as "I feel the need to acknowledge".

9/11 Attacks

See the main article on this topic: 9/11

Failure to Predict

The evening of September 10, 2001, John Edward appeared as a guest on CNN's Larry King Live. The worst civilian attack in United States history would occur less than twelve hours later, yet this "psychic" did not mention it in any way.[1]

Offer to "Contact" Victims

Following the attacks, Edward offered to air a series of specials where he would "contact" the various victims to relay "last messages" to their families. Even for Edward, this was an incredible show of bad taste, and the idea was soon shelved.

gollark: The reason there are few updates for suggestions and whatever is that TJ09 spends all his free time adjusting ND formulæ.
gollark: Wait, they work at 75 UVs?!
gollark: I can probably help!
gollark: Wait, how many turns did you get?
gollark: ÜMLÄÜT.

References

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