Judge: David-Wynn: Miller

David Wynn Miller (1949–2018)[1] (or Judge :David-Wynn :Miller as he preferred to be called) was a Milwaukee-based tax-avoidance activist who claimed exemption from income tax liability on dubious grounds of lack of jurisdictional applicability. Miller, who styled his name with colons and a hyphen as :David-Wynn: Miller, was the originator of an incoherent ideology that invokes a supposedly mathematically-based variation of the English language. Among his claims were that he discovered "the mathematical interface in the truth that certifies all 5,000 languages, frontwards and backwards", and he once introduced himself at a seminar by saying "My name is David hyphen Wynn full colon Miller".[2]

I fought the law
and the law won
Pseudolaw
To convolute
and distort
v - t - e

"Full Colon Miller" believed that inserting punctuation into one's name changes one's legal status, a common pseudolaw practice. Specifically, he believed that this turns one into a "prepositional phrase", as opposed to a citizen, and thus exempts one from having to pay income taxes.[3]

Similarities to some of Jared Lee Loughner's disgruntled writings and YouTube videos focused new international attention on Miller's strange contentions in January 2011.

Miller appeared in courts around the world on behalf of others, claiming to be a judge eligible to practice anywhere on the planet. He made assertions such as that the dots between the words of the motto on the New South Wales coat of arms in a court mean the court has no jurisdiction.[4] Judges were more patient with him than they should've been.

Others try to use Miller's methods, which he used to have on his website,[5] netting them judicial responses such as:

[2] The plaintiff’s action against the defendants is for a debt alleged due for a computer system and accessories. It is difficult to describe the nature of the defence or counterclaim.

[3] The counterclaim consists of 97 paragraphs, over 26 pages. It was apparently drafted by a friend of the defendant Mr. Shandler who has a somewhat idiosyncratic approach to English grammar. For instance, he has deconstructed the outline of the defendant by counterclaim prepared for this hearing, breaking it down into its constituent parts of speech. According to the helpful code he endorsed on the outline, the three personal names forming the title of the defendant law firm, Douglas Symes & Brissenden, are respectively an adjective, a pronoun and another pronoun.[6]

Other fascinating beliefs

Miller's nine and a half hour YouTube video of his September 2012 "Quantum Grammar Seminar"[7] includes many interesting assertions, such as, at 4:45:00 that C4 is a plastic explosive, and that this means it explodes everything made of plastic; and at 4:55:00 that all the bombs dropped on Pearl Harbor had one-dollar postage stamps on them, so that the Postmaster General of Honolulu could legally deliver them. If you don't want to watch all nine and a half hours, the first two minutes give you an authentic dose of quality Miller content as he explains why he is a ninety-second-degree Freemason.[note 1]

This is how he wrote

FOR THE FORMS OF OUR PUNCTUATIONS ARE WITH THE CLAIM OF THE USE: FULL-COLON=POSITION-LODIO-FACTS, HYPHEN=COMPOUND-FACTS =KNOWN, PERIOD=END-THOUGHT, COMMA-PAUSE, AND LOCATION-TILDES WITH THE MEANINGS AND USES OF THE COMMUNICATIONS WITH THE FULL-COLON OF THE POSITION-LODIAL-FACT-PHRASE WITH THE FACT/KNOWN-TERM OF THE POSITIONAL-LODIO-FACT-PHRASE AND WITH THE VOID OF THE NOM-DE-GUERRE = DEAD-PERSON.[8]

Yes, really.

gollark: I have, however, begun to doubt Minoteaur's design AGAIN, which is quite annoying.
gollark: Interesting.
gollark: I didn't think that sort of thing worth mentioning, with how obviously LyricCode™ it was.
gollark: Really? I thought someone did at some point.
gollark: Macron is bad?

See also
  • Freeman on the land cranks sometimes use bizarre language interpretations similar in style to Miller

Notes
  1. A notable accomplishment, considering that Scottish Rite Freemasonry only has 33 degrees.

References
  1. Memorandum of Decision of the Honourable Mr. Justice S.N. Mandziuk, Court of Queen’s Bench of Alberta, 16 January 2019.
  2. SPLC Intelligence Report, 'Full Colon Miller', Spring 2003
  3. The Guardian, Gabrielle Giffords shooting: Gunman linked to grammar 'judge'
  4. Mark Liberman, All words have 900 definitions? Language Log at upenn.edu, 29 January 2010.
  5. David-Wynn: Miller, LAW-PROCEDURES. Archived from the original at dwmlawprocedures.com.
  6. National Leasing v. Top West Ventures et al, 2001 BCSC 111 (CanLII).
  7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgcW6Hzn46w David Wynn Miller QUANTUM GRAMMAR SEMINAR SEPTEMBER 2012 FULL] at YouTube, 14 January 2013.
  8. Communication-Methods[a w] at dwmlc.com.
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