Beans

Written By: Sam Omiotek

Comments: 0

Difficulty

Easy

Steps

Time Required

2 - 4 hours

Introduction

The platonic ideal cheap food. A canvas with unlimited potential. Healthy, full of fiber, low glycemic index, great carb to protein ratio, and entertaining side effects. You don't even need a kitchen to cook beans, just a pot and a hot plate.

Ingredients:

One pound of beans
One pound of bacon
One yellow onion
Two bell peppers
Two jalapenos
Salt or bouillon
Pepper
Garlic powder
Cumin
Oregano
One can of beer (optional)
Some dried chili peppers (optional)

All ingredients are optional except beans, salt, pepper, garlic powder, cumin, and oregano.

Tools

Step 1

Make sure you can avoid long periods of time in enclosed spaces with other people for the next 24 hours.

Step 2

Some say this isn't necessary. It isn't. It's entirely optional. I don't know why I do it. It just makes them cook a bit faster.
Put a pound of your favorite beans into a pot with water and let them soak overnight.
Don't ever use canned beans. They are more expensive, worse for the environment, and taste like metal.

Step 3

Chop:
One white onion
A couple bell peppers
A couple Jalapenos
A pound of bacon

Step 4

Get the pot you will be cooking the beans in.
Cook some bacon in the pot.
Do not cook it past chewy. You don't want crispy bacon here.
Pour out the some of the grease if you are more concerned about saturated fats than flavor.

Step 5

Add the vegetables you chopped into the pot and cook until softened, stirring occasionally.

Step 6

Discard the water you soaked the beans in.
Or don't, if you're into that sort of thing.
Pour the beans into the pot.
Add water until the beans are submerged about two inches.

Step 7

Add whatever spices you like to the beans and stir!
Mandatory:
Salt (or your favorite bouillon)
Pepper
Garlic powder
Cumin
Oregano
Recommended: coriander, paprika, chili powder, bay leaf.

Step 8

Get two cans of light beer.
Pour one can into the beans (trust me).
Drink the other can as a reward to yourself for cooking beans.

Step 9

Do this if you want to add major flavor to your beans:
Throw some dried chili peppers into a separate pot of boiling water.
Anaheim, ancho, pasilla, mulato, guajillo, chipotle, àrbol—pick your poison.
Turn the heat to simmer and steep the chilis for 15 mins.
Pour the chilis and water into a blender and blend until liquified.
Add to the beans.

Step 10

Simmer the beans and stir occasionally until they are done, at least a few hours.
Test for doneness by eating a bean.
Anticipate that the beans will firm up a bit once they've cooled.