Grand Piano (3.5e Equipment)

Who in their right mind would use a Grand Piano as a weapon!?

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Grand Piano

Exotic Two-Handed Critical: x2 Range Increment: 20 Type: Bludgeoning Hardness: 5
Size	Cost^1	Damage	Weight^1	hp
Fine	125	1d4	16	3
Diminutive	250	1d6	37	6
Tiny	500	1d8	75	12
Small	1000	1d10	150	25
Medium	1000	3d6	300	50
Large	2000	6d6	600	100
Huge	4000	10d6	1200	200
Gargantuan	8000	18d6	2400	400
Colossal	16000	32d6	4800	800
The SRD only gives a means to determine costs and weights of weapons for Large and Small versions based on the Medium weapons. Any other supplied values are the author's best determination.

Well someone has. A normal Grand Piano for a human is actually the Large version of the weapon. Therefore to use a piano of their size, a medium creature needs to use the large version, with the appropriate penalties involved. A smaller, halfling sized piano (a medium Grand Piano), may be used, but even then the user takes a -2 to attack due to the sheer weight and bulk of it all. This stacks of non-proficiency and all other penalties. It is swung around by one of the legs, which swivels and locks to the side to make a handle for this massive bludgeoning device. Toggling between weapon and instrument is a move action which provokes attacks of opportunity.

The Grand Piano is made largely of wood with ivory keys and can be used as both a weapon and a masterwork instrument, giving +2 to perform checks (+1 for every point of enchantment bonus applied). A piano of the incorrect size to play (a medium creature with a medium instead of large piano) has their perform bonus 1 less per size category off.

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