Import this into your own language

Question

The Zen of Python must surely be one of the most beautiful Easter eggs in any language. (It is created by writing import this)

So why not create a version for your own language?

For those who don't have access to Python 2 or 3, your code should output the following:

The Zen of [YOUR LANGUAGE]

Beautiful is better than ugly.
Explicit is better than implicit.
Simple is better than complex.
Complex is better than complicated.
Flat is better than nested.
Sparse is better than dense.
Readability counts.
Special cases aren't special enough to break the rules.
Although practicality beats purity.
Errors should never pass silently.
Unless explicitly silenced.
In the face of ambiguity, refuse the temptation to guess.
There should be one-- and preferably only one --obvious way to do it.
Although that way may not be obvious at first unless you're Dutch.
Now is better than never.
Although never is often better than *right* now.
If the implementation is hard to explain, it's a bad idea.
If the implementation is easy to explain, it may be a good idea.
Namespaces are one honking great idea -- let's do more of those!

The original was The Zen of Python, by Tim Peters.

This is code-golf, so the shortest answer in bytes wins.

Standard loopholes apply, this includes no built-ins (if you are making a solution in Python, Pyth or another derivative of Python, the equivalent of import this is forbidden).

Answer 1

JavaScript (ES6) 665 bytes

f=a=>{for(_="._eds  ieaouobvishld itxplicpecial  idonesaty ennever th    to mplbetter   an explain, e Althgh If iemti`ThZ of JS__ButifuluglyEiicSiecoexCoexcoicFlntSparsedseRdabilcntsScas ar't sghbrk  rulpracticalbepuryError passiltlyUnlelsilcIn    facof ambiguy, refusthtemptigusTherbe-- and preferabll--waydo th wamanot b first unly'rDutchNowoft *right* nowhard'a badsy maba goodNampac arhking gre -- let'do morof  ose!`";G=/[-]/.exec(_);)with(_.split(G))_=join(shift());return eval(_).split`_`.join`
`}

Because of string compression, some characters cannot be displayed in this snippet. This is above script hex-encoded:

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

It can be compiled using the following function:

f=a=>eval(a.match(/../g).map(a=>String.fromCharCode(parseInt(a,16))).join``)

Demo