What time is it? (Obfuscation)

Question

Your goal is to write an obfuscated program that displays the current time.

Guidelines: The program can print local or global time. You are allowed to draw ASCII numbers, display an analog clock, etc. No input should be needed. Whether you include 12 or 24 hour, including AM/PM, milliseconds and seconds or not, it all doesn't matter. This is a popularity contest.

Inspired by sykes2.c, an impressive display of confusing naming, obscure language features, and clever tricks.

Answer 1

Analog clock, JS

Analog clock? Challenge accepted.

Golfed/Obfuscated into the zone of not-exactly-understanding-what-it-does-even-after-reading-through-a-few-times:

for(var a=new Date,b=a.getMinutes(),c=a.getHours()+b/60,d=[],e=Math.round,f=Math.PI,g=Math.sin,h=Math.cos,k=0;11>k;k++)d[k]=[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0];for(var l=0;l<f;l+=0.05){var m=e(17/11*5*h(2*l)),n=e(5*g(2*l));d[n+5][m+8]=1}for(var p=0;2.5>=p;p+=0.5){var q=e(17/11*p*h(-(c*f/6)+f/2)),r=e(p*g(-(c*f/6)+f/2));d[r+5][q+8]=2}for(p=0;4.5>=p;p+=0.5){var s=e(17/11*p*h(-(b*f/30)+f/2)),t=e(p*g(-(b*f/30)+f/2));d[t+5][s+8]=3}d[5][8]=1;a="";for(k=d.length-1;-1<k;k--)a+=d[k].join("").replace(/0/g,".").replace(/1/g,"O").replace(/2/g,"h").replace(/3/g,"m")+"\n";console.log(a);

Outputs something like:

.....OOOOOOO......
...OO.......OO....
.OO...........O...
.O...h.........O..
O.....hh.......OO.
O......hOmmmmmmmO.
OO.............OO.
.O.............O..
.OO...........O...
...OO.......OO....
.....OOOOOOO......

...yeah, guess what time it is here. (Hint hint not AM)

Human readable version:

var date = new Date();
var min = date.getMinutes();
var hrs = date.getHours()+(b/60); // set up date
var a=[];
for(var i=0;i<11;i++)a[i]=[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0]; // set up array
function putX(x,y,i){a[y+5][x+8]=i;} // just for source neatness; this is expanded out in the obfuscated version
for(var p=0;p<Math.PI;p+=0.05){ // draw clock border
    putX(Math.round((17/11)*5*Math.cos(2*p)), Math.round(5*Math.sin(2*p)), 1);
}
for(var p=0;p<=2.5;p+=0.5){ // draw hour hand (transforming the angle to work)
    putX(Math.round((17/11)*p*Math.cos(-(hrs*2*Math.PI/12)+(Math.PI/2))), Math.round(p*Math.sin(-(hrs*2*Math.PI/12)+(Math.PI/2))), 2);
}

for(var p=0;p<=4.5;p+=0.5){ // draw the minute hand like the hour hand
    putX(Math.round((17/11)*p*Math.cos(-(min*2*Math.PI/60)+(Math.PI/2))), Math.round(p*Math.sin(-(min*2*Math.PI/60)+(Math.PI/2))), 3);
}

putX(0,0,1); // set the center point

date=""; // reuse date for maximum confusion :)
for(var i=a.length-1;i>-1;i--)date+=a[i].join("").replace(/0/g, ".").replace(/1/g, "O").replace(/2/g, "h").replace(/3/g, "m")+"\n"; // output ASCII art to string
console.log(date); // output string to console

Answer 2

Python

Might as well.

exec(lambda s:s[::2]+s[1::2])('ipmepno r(t" hwtetbpb:r/o/wtsiemre;.wgeobvb/rHoTwMsLe5r/."o)')

Answer 3

JavaScript / HTML (757 bytes)

Prints an analog clock on an HTML5 canvas. There's probably a lot more efficient ways to do this, but I think it turned out looking nice.

<canvas><script>S=150;c=document.currentScript.parentNode;c.width=c.height=2*S;t=c.getContext("2d");z=Math;r=2*z.PI;o=r/4;h=[[1,0.93],[4,0.9],[8,0.7]];m=[0,0,0];function d(){t.clearRect(0,0,c.width,c.height);t.lineWidth=2;t.beginPath();t.moveTo(2*S,S);    t.arc(S,S,0.99*S,0,r);for (i=0;i<60;++i){a=r*(i/60)+o;x=0.99*S*z.cos(a);    y=0.99*S*z.sin(a);t.moveTo(S+x,S+y);s=0.96;if (!(i%5)) s=0.90;t.lineTo(S+s*x,S+s*y);}t.stroke();u=new Date();m[0]=r*u.getSeconds()/60-o;m[1]=r*u.getMinutes()/60-o;m[2]=r*(u.getHours()%12)/12+(m[1]+o)/12-o;for(g=0;g<3;g++){t.beginPath();t.lineWidth=h[g][0];t.strokeStyle="black";if (!g) t.strokeStyle="red";x=h[g][1]*S*z.cos(m[g]);  y=h[g][1]*S*z.sin(m[g]);t.moveTo(S+x,S+y);t.lineTo(S,S);t.stroke();}setTimeout(d,500);}d();</script>

Human readable version on JSFiddle here.

Answer 4

GolfScript

The ultimate example of a magic number!

230140410535893441750932406053255553

23/`3/{~}%+'"#{'\+'}"'+~

Explanation coming soon.

Answer 5

CJam

"et phone home"S/_,_@T=~><{_A<{R_,+\+}*':}/;

Prints the local time as HH:mm:ss (24-hour)

Spoilers:

S/ splits by space (S=" ")
_,_ gets the resulting array length (3) twice
@T= extracts the "et" part (T=0)
~ evaluates et, which gives the current date and time in an array
>< extracts the time part (starting at index 3, length 3)
_A< checks if a value is less than 10 (A=10)
R_,+ evaluates to "0" (R="")
\+ prepends "0" to the number
{...}* executes the block if the condition (<10) was true
': is the colon character
{...}/ executes the block for each array element (hour, min, sec)
; pops the last value (a colon)

Answer 6

SVG + JavaScript (272 937 bytes)

I'm sorry; couldn't help myself. The SVG is probably way too big to fit on StackExchange, so you can access a live demo here (please note, it could lag your browser; do it at your own risk): http://varden.info/~mlindvall/jstime.obf.svg

Viewing the source code might crash your browser; do it at your own risk. Otherwise, downloading it and opening it in Notepad++ should be safe.

Since there are no rules, I'll have to admit I got huge help from an obfuscator, so this is more like a proof of concept rather than a real submission. Still, it was kind of fun to see this work.

Human readable version:

<?xml version="1.0" standalone="no"?>
<!DOCTYPE svg PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD SVG 1.1//EN" "http://www.w3.org/Graphics/SVG/1.1/DTD/svg11.dtd">
<svg height="44" width="110" version="1.1" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg">
<text x="10" y="14" style="font-size: 14px;">Current time is:</text>
<text id="id" x="0" y="44" style="font-size: 30px;"></text>
<script type="text/javascript">
function t() {
    var a = new Date(), timeArray=[a.getHours(), a.getMinutes(), a.getSeconds()], delimiter='', result='';
    for (c = 0; c != 3; c++) {
        while (('' + timeArray[c]).length != 2) {
            timeArray[c] = '0' + timeArray[c];
        }
        result += delimiter + b[c];
        delimiter = ':';
    }
    document.getElementById("id").textContent = result;
}
t();
setInterval("t()", 1000); // Run every second for an updating clock
</script>
</svg>