Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior!/Quotes

Black Mage: Lady, you've tried every shoe in the store; including the men's and children's shoes, which clearly won't fit.
Old Woman: Don't you tell me what won't fit. I am old and possibily senile.
Black Mage: As you insist on telling me every few minutes.

Old Woman: Now, cobble me up a pair of comfortable shoes or I'll start making unreasonable demands that I have no intention of letting you fulfill.

—Eight Bit Theater

Thorpe: I hope the system of gingerly handling old people like they're retarded is still in place when I'm old, because I'm going to be saying the most racist shit imaginable just to watch people squirm.
Zack: Yeah, if you can live past about 60 you are finally free to just absolutely hate black people in public. Which I think is what we all secretly want.
Thorpe: Actually, at that point the standards of society will change so my opinions actually WILL be really offensive. I'll be like "they really should do something about all these pedophiles having sex with children in the streets," and everyone will blush and get really quiet, and I'll be like "what!?"
Zack: "Fucking manga!" Gasps all around, because the president will be a manga-loving pedophile.

Thorpe: President Naruto Herbert Bush and his adorable first lady, Billy.

—"Doctor" David Thorpe and Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons, regular contributors to Something Awful

"Write this down, Perry. I'm old, and I honestly don't care what people think about anything I do." (farts) "That was me, folks."

—Dr Kelso, Scrubs

"You fucking son of a bitch. I'm dying. There is no time to be sentimental."

—The Commodore, Boardwalk Empire

"Okay, whoa! You don’t get a bitch pass just cuz you’re old. Yes, that’s right, I said it. You come in here with your gangster granny attitude and think you can get away with dumping all over the lowly Gypsy waitress. No way. At this diner, we don’t discriminate due to age. If you’re gonna act like an ass, I’m gonna treat you like an ass, no matter how close that ass is riding to the floor. Now, I’ll wipe off the table and we’ll take it from the top. Hi, I’m Max. Who wants tapioca?"

—Max Black, Two Broke Girls

I'm not mean, I'm a thousand years old,

And I just lost track of my moral code

—Marceline, Adventure Time

"I'm old! Gimme, gimme, gimme!"

—Grampa Simpson (upon entering a Social Security office)